Saturday, December 30


You never miss a good thing
Till it leaves ya
Finally I realize that I
need ya
I want you back, baby girl I need you back
Gotta have you back
Heartbroken when you left my world
Man I wish I could’ve kept my
Cause I love you
I don’t know what I’m gon’ do
Without my
It’s driving me crazy, cause I been
Missing you lately
I’m going
out of my mind and I’m runnin’ out of time
Oh I just wish I could find you
Said I’m about to go crazy
Cause I’ve been needin’ you lately I’m
going out of my head and all the things that I said I wish that I never said ‘em

The reason that you leave your cd player or the iPod you got for Christmas against all odds (Thank you Mommy!!!) on random is that sometimes the universe send you strange messages through song selection. I believe this. There is no such thing as random. When I turned on my car to come to work Usher was singing to me and I just had to chuckle. It might not necessarily be true (well the part about me being gone is true-- i just don't think he's noticed that his chance passed him by yet)--but even if it isn't true it was a fine way to start the day. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!




Friday, December 29

Happy Holiday Hangovers

People keep asking me what I’m doing for New Year’s Eve. I’m doing what I do every Sunday. Watching football. I’m going to watch the games with Sega and then I’m going home and avoiding all of the insanity that comes with this particular holiday.

Christmas was more than enough for me. I have never eaten or drank that much, that consistently in my life! Don’t get me wrong; I had a fabulous time. It was the first time that all of my siblings were home in years and we made the most of it. Now I need sleep. I need rest. I am a winter nester. When the weather turns cold I start cooking and cleaning. My house sparkles and smells wonderful. The old quilts come out to cover the couch and the bed; the big copper pots come out to cover the stove. There are chowders and stews and soups, casseroles and breads to make. Let’s face it a good home made clam chowder is only made better by a thick piece of bread just out of the oven. Crackers are for wimps. One of my sisters asked me if I would still do it now that I’m living alone. I told her that I never really did it for anyone else beside myself. I like the hours spent over a stove. I like taking recipes I have known by heart for so long that I can feel them in my bones and making magic out of them. There is something beautiful in the waiting for my winter foods. These are all day affairs. Meme Ruth used to say that if chowder took less than four hours to prepare you hadn’t done it correctly.
My house is not always a home. Sometimes it seems more like a hotel where I am stopping to sleep. But for a couple of months each year it is a cozy corner of the world filled with warmth and comfort. I’m starting that this new year with my split pea soup, peasant bread and berry pie. Enjoy your hangovers!

Thursday, December 21


I can’t beg him for one more year and I won’t tell him to go. I’ll simply say that I love him and I will always be a fan. I love you Brett! Favre 4Ever!

On a more personal note (although what could be more personal than Packer Football I truly do not know) things are going really well. I have a date tonight (#4 with the sailor) after my office Christmas party. We won’t be able to see each other until Jan 5th after this so it should be…fun… And soon I’ll be on my way home to Charleston!!!

As much as I love writing to you all I have to sign off now. Hopefully I’ll be able to update you on the party tomorrow- but if not:


Wednesday, December 20

A Year Without John

This week is a year since the death of John Spencer, Leo on the West Wing. If you have not been reading the Sunset Strip blog I've linked to here shame on you because it is fantastic and done by a Sorkinite like myself. One of the things I'll ask of you this Christmas is that you check it out. There is a great tribute to John on the page :

so check it out!

The Christmas episodes that Aaron writes are always my favorites Sports Night, West Wing and now Studio 60. Give yourself a treat guys an check them out.

And now- we miss you John!!!

"This guy's walking down a street, when he falls in a hole. The walls are
so steep, he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up 'Hey you!
Can you help me out?' The doctor writes him a prescription, throws it down the
hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up 'Father, I'm
down in this hole, can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws
it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. 'Hey Joe, it's me, can
you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole! Our guy says 'Are you
stupid? Now we're both down here!" and the friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been
down here before, and I know the way out.' Long as I got a job, you got a job.

Tuesday, December 19

Charleston Christmas

I am ready to go home. It starts with me flying down the highway with my car full of presents and laundry—stubbornly refusing to listen to Christmas carols because once I am in my mother’s house that is all that will be allowed. Every year it is the same. We will go to the grocery store at least three times because we never remember to put everything on the list and we always run out of brown sugar. We’ll go out to dinner on Saturday night and then around to all the bars where my friends work to say hello. Sunday morning we’ll go to Mass together and then I’ll go to brunch with my dad, sisters and brother. Then wrapping presents—my mother upstairs and me down- each of us casting nervous glances at the stairs and planning sneak attacks. We’ll clean her already pristine house and go to dinner with my brother and some of his friends. We always go to the Festival of Lights on Christmas Eve to go ice-skating and drink hot cocoa; on to the lobby of the Charleston Place for a little jazz and something stronger than cocoa; then on to my Aunt’s house for her late night party.
These are the steps I have danced as long as I can remember. Rounds of parties filled with family and friends and the mass at my mother’s church and the service at my father’s. Christmas Eve night ends with my siblings and I asleep on the floor in front of an old movie and Christmas day starts with chicory coffee and shrimp and grits (and bruises—my sister Linda kicks in her sleep). We spend the day eating and cooking and watching Monty Python’s Life of Brian and The Princess Bride. We quote every line and sing every song and generally drive my mother crazy. She loves it.
After dinner we all go downtown to my oldest sister’s house where the entire extended family and our various spouses, friends, children and pets meet to exchange gifts, have the wind hugged out of us by Aunt Gloria and generally throw the best party of the year. Furniture gets pushed back and carols turned up. A Temptations Christmas gets played …and replayed…and replayed… Stories are told and babies passed around and at some point I seep out onto the balcony and watch them through the windows because I just love these people so much.
My family is magical to me. We are sailors and soldiers, doctors and lawyers, teachers and real estate agents, fast food managers and PhD’s, secretaries and socialists, insurance agents and actors, writers and scientists. We are African and Scottish, Irish, Italian, Portuguese, Cuban and Puerto Rican. We are hetero and homosexual, married, single, divorced and remarried. We are unborn and we are 96 and we are everything in between. When we are together you can feel it—all of these people loving each other so fiercely in spite of our differences because of our history. Walking back inside I’ll get a charge. It is power and love and it sustains me until I can be with them again. My batteries are winding down and I am ready to go home.

Saturday, December 16


I was 23 when he died. I remember only pieces of the accident. The feeling of the SUV starting to tip over, a woman standing over me with the sun behind her, seeing my mother in the emergency room through the haze of blood in my eyes. I don't remember the pain. I don't remember pain until I was recuperating at my mother's house. The doctors say that is because of a combination of shock and morphine and I suppose they are right. I remember sitting in a wheelchair next to his body in morgue and running my fingers through his hair and over his face for the last time-- I remember how it felt to know that I was doing it for the last time.
There are scars. A gash on my knee, staples in my back, stitches on my foot and my cheek. They are faded now. Someone asked me last night if I had ever been in love with someone who hadn't loved me back. I said no. It's not that I've never thought I was in love and it wasn't returned. It's that after being with Grady I understand the true, once in a lifetime, type of love that can only be a reciprocal experience. Can it really be love if it is one sided? I don't know. What I do know is that in 1998 I met a man who changed my life forever and in 2003 i lost him.
I wake up some nights because I have that feeling of tipping, the moment when gravity becomes fate is enshrined in my muscle memory and will bring me from a sound sleep to the brink of nausea.
His sister gave me the ring after the funeral. It's beautiful. An antique ring of sapphire set in platinum-- it's one I had seen in a window in a store in Charleston and fell in love with. I've never worn it.
I miss fighting with him, I miss the way he smelled, I miss the stupid faces he would make at me when I was rehearsing or recording. I miss the way he made me laugh and the way he pissed me off- the way he listened and the way his eyes glowed when he was angry. We used to argue over whether the Irish or Scottish were more stubborn--because he found it absurd and amusing. We couldn't be in a room without touching at least once. I can still feel his arm around me and the way that my head fit perfectly on his shoulder.
There is anger and frustration. At myself, at God, at the f**cking b***h who hit us and at him for leaving me. Of course there was guilt and I guess I reacted in a classic way by choosing a man who would punish me for being alive. Maybe therapy would have been helpful, but there is something to be said for crawling out of the tunnel on your own.
There are still days when I'm numb, but there are more and more days now when I want things and more and more things that I want. I like the life that I am creating and I am indescribably grateful for the years I had with Grady and the memories I have now. For a time he was - everything- and no one will ever be able to be him. I'm not expecting that. For the first time since he died I don't think I'm expecting anything, I'm just hoping.

Friday, December 15

Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc

Men are strange. I know this is like saying 'the sky is blue' but still... I was bored last night so I straightened my hair. It didn't take long and really is not that big a deal. I get to work this morning and every guy here has some kind of fit. Loving it or hating it or teasing me about it for the last hour and a half. They just can't deal with change of any kind. My question is: why don't they have work to do? I have work to do! I'm fitting this in while I'm waiting for the printer to finish with the ten million pages I just sent to it so I can get back to work. I love them all and I know that they're a little nutso-crazy so I'm going to let it go. But seriously guys- it's just hair!

In other news I have absolutely no plans for this weekend (other than football on Sunday) and that pretty much sucks.

Thursday, December 14

Ways and Means

This is why I'm not getting an iPod for Christmas: I have no willpower. This should be no surprise to those of you ( all three) who read me on a regular basis, but it is particularly bad around the holidays and birthdays. This Christmas I had told everyone at home that there weren't going to be traditional presents. I'm pledging an hour of volunteering for each member of my family to a charity. I've narrowed it down to three and they get to pick when I get home. So I felt good. True spirit of the season and all that. Then I went on to to look for a book i've had trouble finding and THAT's where I ran into trouble. Long story short- I had to call my dad and ask him to deposit some money in my bank account so I could, you know, buy food. In all fairness, I hadn't spent ALL of my money on my mom, I got my dad a couple of Sonny Rollins cds and a book I knew he'd like. So my dad deposits money in my account and leaves a message on my voice mail letting me know how much he put in and that instead of me paying him back he just won't get me an iPod for Christmas. I didn't even know I was getting an iPod!!!! But it's fine--I'm a big girl, It's not like I need and iPod(sniffle, sniffle)....
I'm still getting the complete West Wing collection from my sisters so it's all good. Aaron is all I need...(although I was going to make a West Wing playlist for my iPod with my favorite songs from each season-- I know, I know, I'm a big dork!)

Wednesday, December 13

The War at Home

My plan for last night was to go see a movie, maybe take myself out to dinner as well. Then one of the guys at work asked me if I wanted to come to his house for dinner--his wife was making a pot roast which is one of my great weaknesses so I said sure. I mean, who's going to pass up a pot roast? Not me. His daughter is four and I've baby-sat for her a few times and we have a little mutual admiration society going so I was looking forward to playing with her and their chocolate labs and eating a home cooked meal that I hadn't home cooked myself. Sounds like a good night, right? WRONG! Here's what they didn't tell me. His wife was trying to set me up with one of her co-workers. Apparently it's crazy that I'm 27 and single. It's not so much the set up that bothered me- M let that slip before we got to his house, he's a good guy. It was the fact that she thinks my life is so sad without a man in it that a set up was necessary. And the guy she picked! ICK! He wasn't bad looking, but he thought he was gorgeous. He had NO sense of humor and a huge sense of self-importance which was completely unwarranted from what I could tell. Plus he ignored McK- their little girl. Let me tell you- being mean to children and dogs is NOT the way to melt my heart. Anyway, everyone saw how bad it was going so I took McK and the dogs for a walk after dinner to give him time to create a reason to get out of there. After that things got better. McK had her bath while her dad and I made fun of the doofus and he promised never to ambush me like that again and then there was Cars...or the little bit of it we got through before she fell asleep. Plus, I got leftovers- so that made up for a lot.
Here's the thing- there are more than enough men in my life. I work with men, my friends are mostly men and there are plenty of men in my family. Yes, it would be nice to have someone special but I do not need him to be hand selected and presented to me with the potatoes and carrots! It'll happen when it happens. Besides I just don't know how ready I am for a relationship and the only person I've met who I'm interested in definitely isn't ready. So everyone needs to take a deep breath and back off. Well, not everyone- but I think the only one who doesn't need to back off isn't reading this anymore so... oh well...

Tuesday, December 12


I've been listening to the Fray all day long...

We'd never know what's wrong
without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing
are the same
Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe you're starting to compare
To someone not there
Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come
No will never come...

That' s all I have to say...

Gone Quiet

It's been a couple of days since I last posted and I'm sorry. It's been an exceedingly strange few days. It seems that before the year is new again 2006 would like me to deal everything it threw at me. Lately my life has been a video game where I just can not get to the next level. My problems are all boring so I won't bore you with them. One good thing though- I might be going to Vegas to see the Dan Band's New Year's Eve show! Yeah, you're all jealous now...just like you'll all be laughing at me when the whole thing falls through. But for now my fingers are crossed and I'm trying to look on the bright side of things. Trying to stay positive when it is fundamentally against my nature. And- of course- watching WW on DVD because there is nothing good on TV at the moment. So if you have some time you might want to get Season 3 of the West Wing and watch Gone Quiet. It is one of my top five episodes. Who else but Aaron could write a show about(drum roll please):
Right Said Fred's I'm Too Sexy
Why someone would want to be POTUS
Campaign Finance Reform
the NEA
Broken ankles
Medical Malpractice
Lawyers vs. Humanity
the Park Police
and Seniors
and make it FUNNY?! Not just funny, but smart and warm and funny. I'll say it again- I ADORE AARON SORKIN. Can't help it.

Friday, December 8

A Voice for the Voiceless

My voice is gone. Ironically I feel better than I have the past two days. So I'm at work and I'll see how much I can get done before my boss comes in and boots me out. I have a feeling it's going to be a very strange day...

Thursday, December 7


I have never liked small dogs. I am a big dog person- always have been. I especially never understood the little yippy lapdogs that people seem to love so much. But I have fallen in love and her name is Sassy. Silly name, I know. She's the owner of the company's dog and she comes to work pretty much every day. The best thing about Sassy (besides the fact that she loves me too) is this: when you're sick, like I am today, she'll hang out with you. She's spent most of the day on my lap, taking a nap or just watching me work. It's nice to have what amounts to constant hugs when you're feeling crappy. Not that I've changed my mind on small dogs--I'm just making an exception for our CDO (Chief Doggie Officer).

Take This Sabbath Day

I am an idiot. I just thought you should all know that. I feel like microwaved crap right now and instead of sitting snug in my bed drugging myself with cold meds and chicken soup I'm at work. Will I take tomorrow off? No. I'll talk about it, think about it, but when the alarm goes off at 6:30 I'll drag myself up and out the door. Will I be here on Saturday? Yeah. Why? Because I am under the delusion that the place would fall apart without me (not true) and I hate walking back into work after you've had a day or two off and seeing that scarily huge pile of papers on your desk. Plus it makes me feel like a wimp. AND--this is the big one-- I'm going out to watch the games on Sunday with a couple of guys from work and (some of them actually picked the Packers in the pool this week) I am not going to miss it and I don't want to feel guilty about it. I know there wouldn't be a need for me to feel guilty- but I've been warped by my mother's work ethic. They'll have to boot me out of here to make me get some rest. So we're back to my original point- I'm an idiot. But I'm trying to look on the bright side: if someone pisses me off I can cough on them!

Wednesday, December 6

The Stackhouse Filibuster

I've identified the cause of the malaise. I'm getting a head cold. Headache, scratchy throat, with aches and chills thrown in for fun. Everyone else in the office is pissed b/c our heater is stuck on 'on' but I'm sitting here with a wool coat on. And ok, I can't blame it all on the cold, I'm still wondering what will happen with G.E., if anything. I think I'm going to take a sick day on Friday-give myself a break. Maybe my mom will overnight me some chicken soup (yeah I know- I'm such a baby...)

Lord John Marbury

So I was going to write about the movies I watched last night. I was going to say witty things about Johnny Depp and Kevin Smith but 'I got nothin'. It's just one of those days. I might have pissed someone off with a smart ass remark last night, and I would really regret that. Plus it's just one of those days when I really don't feel like being here. I would much rather be home in my bed with a book and a cup of coffee. Oh well, at least there are M&Ms.

Tuesday, December 5

Why I love Puppy aka D.G. aka Hubble

Well really the reasons are myriad and expand exponentially every time I see him. He’s just awesome. End of post.
No, really, we had a great lunch. I took two hours off so we’d really have time to catch up, and we did. He’s on his way to DC and a job at the Kennedy Center (Yea for him!!!). I got all the news from home, most of which is NOT fit to print, and presents (what girl doesn’t like presents?). Most of all it was nice to be with someone who has known me for so long…and still likes me , nice to talk to someone who assumes I’m still writing instead of wondering. I miss the friends with whom I could speak in short hand or not have to speak at all. We’re spreading across the country quickly now, but hopefully we’ll all keep in touch. I know I’ll be heading to DC on a regular basis now (and not just because you brought me a football- because you know what Nemo means!). This is a guy who keeps a flag on his dashboard that I gave him years ago so that he can claim gas stations (if you don’t get the reference go watch Eddie Izzard) and makes a cd of U2, Robert Johnson, Coltrane, Green Day, Dixie Chicks, Ludacris, Chely Wright, Sasha Dobson and RHCP to drive up here listening to so he’d be in a ‘Graeme mood’ when he saw me. Really, how can you not love him? (Or steal the CD?) He also figured out that I was writing this blog when I hadn’t told him the name (not that hard if you know me, really). I know he’s starting to sound too good to be true and I’d list his faults, but they wouldn’t matter to anyone he’s not dating…plus he’ll be reading this and he’d probably post whole lists of mine. So, I guess all I really wanted to say was good luck, Pup. I love you!
….See ya’ Hubble…

Where we met

The Christmas Show aka Danny Loves Jordan (and I love Danny!)

Ladies and Gentlemen could you please join me in welcoming Aaron Sorkin back to television. There were some rocky moments, I’ll grant you. A couple of times when I will admit that I didn’t feel Aaron was up to his old standards, but we are in the groove now and just sailing along! Ok- let’s get right down to it, first I’d like to thank Aaron for continuing his self referential streak. There are certain rules in the Sorkin universe, some of which were highlighted last night. 1) Brad Whitford will always be bad in medical settings- but will always force himself to go through it for women her cares about. Why, because it’s fun to watch him squirm. 2) The lines we love will show up in the next show Aaron does: “There is no law/Can I get a civilization?” is now in it’s third prime time network series, as is “I’ve moved on to other things in my head”. And of course you have to put the Jewish character in charge of Christmas, it’s tradition. From the teaser

“We’re having a baby?”
“I’M having a baby.”
“Relax, you’ll be
Right through to the credits, this was a great show. Yea to Harriet getting a serious movie role offer and not having to defend her faith again- we need a little break from that. And if anyone is interested there was an article in the NYT about Kristin Chenoweth that reminded me of where I had heard that story line before. Check it out:

The tribute to New Orleans was made me cry. Ok- sob…buckets. Oddly enough it didn’t make me angry, the way anything connected to Katrina usually does. I thought that it was beautiful and sad. I also appreciated the story line. If you want to help check out this link: People have said to me that Aaron’s characters tend to take themselves too seriously- or their jobs too seriously, especially on Studio 60. As a person who was raised in the theatre I can tell you that this is partly true. The line I think they walk well is in taking the work extremely seriously and in taking yourself pretty lightly. When you’re doing a show it isn’t ever “just a show”. And when you have a chance to help fellow artists and make something beautiful at the same time, you do it. I have no doubt that the story line was based on things that have been going on in LA and New York.

Last—but definitely not least: I LOVE BRADLEY WHITFORD!!! SOOOO MUCH!!!! Of course I know that it isn’t really him that I love, just the characters that he and Aaron create, but I REALLY love them. I mean, seriously people, let’s be honest: Matt and Harriet’s kiss was ok- cute in the way a little bit of jealousy can be. But Danny and Jordan were 10 times better…at least! It was all seven years of Josh and Donna distilled into one episode. It was one of those moments when your breath catches in your throat (and not because of the Katrina cry either) and you just smile…beam, and then sigh. You can’t help it. I want to watch it over and over—but I have a lunch date, so it’ll have to wait.

Well guys you got a super sized morning post and I’m taking a super sized lunch hour to see Puppy so I wouldn’t expect an afternoon post…on the other hand you never know what I might have planned have planned for you….

Monday, December 4

Celestial Navigation

I've been waiting to use that title forever! It's my favorite West Wing episode title, but I could never find a good reason to use it (it's not like I'm going to be picking supreme court nominees up from jail any time soon) until today. My boss lent me his Navigator to go to lunch, since my car is currently getting checked out in the shop. He listens to Rush Limbaugh but other than that he's a pretty good guy. I'm lucky. The company is checking out my car and they're going to take care of anything they find. I can pay them back in the new year so my Christmas doesn't get screwed. It's not like they don't know where to find me :-) So I'm crossing my fingers that I'll have my car back by COB. You never know-maybe things will start going my way...
At least I have Aaron to keep me company tonight. Studio 60 is on- YEA!!!

A Proportional Response

So much for the drama free weekend! I walked out of my house on Sunday to find my car missing. After several heart attacks and a call to 911 I found out that it had been towed b/c the sticker from my apartment complex with my parking permit had expired. Not the lease mind you, just the sticker. Two and a half hours later (minus a bumper...sort of) I was just in time to watch the Jets trounce my Packers. Could the day get any worse? Well, yes actually. One of my many problems is that I can't keep my mouth shut even when it is in my best interests and I did it again last night. I told someone how I felt about him and he told me I was drunk. I wasn't, and that probably wasn't the best response he could have given, but ok. Letting it go. I can't change how much I like him or the mixed signals I pick up from him all I can do is let it go.
At least I got some good news this morning PUPPY IS COMING TO VISIT!!! A friend from Charleston is on his way to DC and he's stopping here tomorrow to have lunch with me (everyone say YEA now and do a little happy dance). Sundays (for two years before I moved up here) used to mean pizza and football with my boys at Puppy's apartment. We'd spend the entire day spread out on the floor or the couch watching the games and reading the newspaper or throwing darts. Halftime was a quick game of Madden on the Xbox. Those Sundays were pretty much perfect. I guess it's true that you really don't know what you've got until it's gone. Although I'm starting to get pretty comfortable with Sega and Lindsay-my-sunday-bartender and G.E. it's not the same, nothing ever will be (You can't get BBQ chicken pizza with blue cheese sauce up here), it's still pretty good--and that ain't nothin!

PS- Only Puppy and I know the secret of the nickname...sorry...

Saturday, December 2

Cast Update

I did all the work for you! These are imdb links for the cast members of the WW. So now you can catch up with our old friends too!

Stockard Channing/ Abigail Bartlett:

Dule Hill/ Charlie:

Allison Janney/ CJ Cregg:

Joshua Malina/Will Bailey:

Janel Moloney/ Donnatella Moss:

Richard Schiff/ Toby Z. Ziegler:



Anna Deavere Smith/ Nancy McNally:

Mary McCormack/ Kate Harper:

Lily Tomlin/ Debbie Fiderer:

Kathryn Joosten/ Delores Landingham:

NiCole Robinson/ Margaret Hooper:

Melissa Fitzgerald/ Carol Fitzpatrick:

Devika Parikh/ Bonnie:

Kathleen York/ Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt:

West Wing:

Tomorrow /The End/ I'm A Big Dork

So, I did it last night. I watched the last episode of the West Wing on DVD. It was horrible. Not the episode, the experience. No next disc to put in, barely any special features at all on the whole season-- too, too depressing. There was one bright spot, however-- Aaron was seated on the dais at the inauguration!!! I don't know why I didn't see him when it first aired, maybe because I cried the whole way through it. But this time I did see him and it made me feel better. It was like a blessing on closing the book and putting it down. Ok, now I'm starting to take it too far, but it's the truth.
So I'm letting it go. A little. I'll still be buying the complete set at some point (after I win the lotto). And I'm sure I'll hole myself up in my apartment for a week to watch them all, but- ok no. I'm not letting it go and I really don't want to. Hell, I'm wearing a What Would Leo Do t-shirt right now! I'm not letting go- I'm staying a fan and I don't care how silly it may seem. Aaah. Good to get that out.

Friday, December 1

Christmas Hell

Remember when I said I was done? Not so much. 2500 Christmas cards, stuffed with coupons and salesman's business cards need to be ready by Monday. Guess who's in charge? Fun Saturday fun!....and life sucks yet again.

Drama Free Zone

I'm done. I need a break from the shocks and the crashes, the flare ups and the emergencies. So, I'm declaring this weekend a Drama Free Zone. There will be movies (I'm thinking of going to see Casino Royale tonight), there will be cool new sweatshirt, there will be football and bloody marys but there will be no more of this craziness that's gone on this week. Fate needs to cut me a break and give me a weekend off. I'm not asking for wealth, or fame or even love---just some smooth sailing and maybe a little fun. So how about this, universe, you don't mess with me and I won't mess with you, huh?

...and if the Packers could beat the Jets that would be great too...

Thursday, November 30

Studio 60 in the NYT

If Aaron Wrote My Life

I've been a little obsessed with finding a ticket to the John Legend concert Saturday at the Norva. There is no way that this is going to happen unless I run into a scalper or something (unlikely). And I've been kicking myself for not getting tickets earlier, so it got me thinking, what would Aaron do? Well, Aaron would be able to get a ticket and probably hang out backstage, but that's not what I mean. If Aaron were going to write this he'd probably have me get all turned around trying to find a scalper all day on Saturday only to run into J.L. himself near the stage door and be invited to watch the show from off stage left. Then we'd date for a while before he got transferred, but not before giving an extremely damaging quote to a researcher which would get dropped into a story- oops, sorry I got lost in West Wing land for a minute (car bomb aside, I wouldn't mind being Donna for little while). Nothing like that is actually going to happen, but wouldn't it be nice if Aaron wrote my life...

Part one and two

I'm watching the West Wing season seven a little bit each night. Trying to hold out and make it last longer-although we all know about my lack of will power. Last night the will power was out in such force that I watched two discs and stayed up until 2:30. A great idea when you're coming in to work in crisis mode. Except.... (drum roll here) MY DATA IS BACK!!! So now I can't move to France and become a famous mime, but I can do my job without having four panic attacks in a day.

I have to admit to you that there were three episodes that I didn't get to watch when they aired. There was some personal turmoil last Jan/Feb (which is no excuse for a real fan, I know) and so I missed some things. I kept up with what was going on online and my mom watched them and gave me reports, but it's not the same. The roller coaster ride of election win and the loss of Leo was heartbreaking. It's part of what kept me up until all hours of the morning. (I mean, Josh in his boxers didn't hurt...) I don't really know how to express the amount of respect that I have for these actors except to say that at no point today will I regret staying up as late as I did. I was watching Donna tell Josh that Leo was gone and remembering how I learned that John was gone. I was sitting on my couch watching WW reruns on Bravo instead of the news when my old roommate called me and asked me how I was. Something in her voice told me that I was about to be not so great. I miss Leo. I am sure that his friends and family miss John Spencer. It makes me sad to know that I won't be able to follow his career as I am his cast mates'. And that his great talent is lost. But it somehow helps to know that I have those DVDs of him--so we can visit every once in a while.

Wednesday, November 29


I am so frustrated right now that I don't even have words for it. I don't know that there are words for this level of utter frustration and the only appropriate action I can think to take is a temper tantrum, which is out of the range of possibilities while I am at work, so I guess I'm just SOL. A titling database that I have been working on for two weeks is gone. GONE. Nothing I can do. No way to get the data back. Definitely no way to get the thing up and running in the time I promised my bosses, not with everything else that I have on my plate. Add in the fact that everyone's IQ points seemed to have dropped by at least a hundred today and that none of them seem to be able to even tie their own shoes without my help and what you end up with is a serious need for some Bombay Sapphire. I will be out of here by seven tonight if I have to chew off my own ankle and spring this Hell trap.

It's called a skirt guys!

OK, so I may not be the most girly of the girls, but this is ridiculous. I wore a skirt to work today. Stop the presses and call the Queen. Apparently it's a matter of nation wide importance. I was in a good mood when I got up this morning, and it was the first thing I saw in my closet. So yes, I am wearing a skirt. And heels. And earrings. And now I'm getting calls at my desk from people all over the building.
Cindy: Heard you're all dressed up.
Me: Good lord, you too?!
Cindy: Going out tonight?
Me: Why?
Cindy: Well why are you all dressed up?
Me: Because I've always been in love with you Cindy and I'm trying to get your attention.
Cindy: Seriously.
Me: I don't know! Why is this such a big deal?
Cindy: Fine. Don't go getting all frustrated!
And I wouldn't have except that it was the third conversation of its kind that I had had this morning and I'm BUSY here people!!!
Actually I was only planning on doing some laundry tonight, but since I look good today (and that is an apparently rare event) I think I'll take myself out for some oysters tonight and laundry be damned!
Is it just that I can't take a compliment or would everyone feel this way- if you keep telling me how good I look today over and over, I'm going to start thinking that I normally look pretty crappy, at least to you. Whatever. Oysters and beer will fix it!

Tuesday, November 28


Welcome Lillie Ann Colley!!!

I have a new cousin! Lillie Ann Colley was born this morning at 10:20 am in Louisville, KY. She's 19 inches long, 7lbs, 6 oz of adorableness. As soon as we have a picture I'll share it with you.

In other news...
Went to lunch with a friend from work and before I was interrupted by the happy baby news I was being regaled with stories from her date the previous evening. A couple of things: First of all, just because we work together and happen to go to lunch together occasionally does not make us friends. I don't need to hear every detail of your date. Actually I don't need to hear ANY of the details. Why don't we just stick to TV shows, music and movies, huh?
Secondly- there is no need to tell me all about the sex you had last night. Especially when I'm trying to eat!!! Seriously, I have never been so happy to be interrupted by a phone call in my life! People, there are just some things you should keep to yourself. Needless to say I won't be having lunch with her again. And it's not that I don't know that women talk about these things. I have sisters and I have friends. I even have friends at work who know how I feel about a certain someone and one friend who called me as she was leaving a date last night (but she's a little crazy). The difference is that this is someone I've had lunch with maybe three times in the 11 months I've been working here. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Now even MORE news:
My brother (actually he's my half-sister's half brother, but what the hell) just finished a TV movie that is going into post production now. It's called Pandemic and should be on USA in the new year. So this Christmas we all have to remember not to make fun of the cheesy TV movies because they're paying for the presents!!!


How much do I love Corinne Bailey Rae? Well, not as much as Brad Whitford, but it's close.

Ok! So, we're getting better, starting to pick up some steam here. Last night's Studio 60 was closer to the vintage Aaron we all know and love: playing around with time, mixing the high drama with comedy. I feel much better. I'm still lovin' the idea of Jordan and Danny, but I have a feeling that it's Jack's baby. Anybody wanna' take that bet?

On a personal note, I had an Aaron night all night long! I started watching Season Seven of the West Wing on DVD. Jimmy Smits in a flight suit is in itself worth the price of admission. And for a while there my night was going great. WW, Heroes and S60 with a healthy dose of Brett Farve thrown in...and then....

The Packers start losing, AGAIN. This isn't fair people. This is NOT RIGHT!!! I have been a loyal fan for a long time.I didn't cut and run when things went bad (4/ know who you are) We all know this is Brett's last season and damn it he deserves a winning one! 252 consecutive starts apparently mean nothing to the football gods. Whatever. I'm letting it go. We'll trounce the Jets on Sunday, Sega will cry and all will be right with the world. Probably not, but a girl can dream....

Monday, November 27

Crackpots and These Women

Give me hope

Give me hope

That emptiness brings fullness

And loss of love

Brings wholeness to us all

Swear that you can't swim the river

But I saw you runnin' to jump in

And I swore I'd never be your sinner

Til I held your sin

-Indigo Girls

Ok, so I went home for lunch like always and I was dithering over whether or not to tell him to just go now or allow myself a walk down memory lane over dinner. I get to my apt and he is eating my second piece of cheesecake and playing Fight For NY on my PS2. Let me say again...EATING MY CHEESECAKE!!! And (take a breath because this is truly heinous) one of my West Wing DVDs is ON THE FLOOR!!! Needless to say he is leaving as I type this.

So I just want to say, thank you David. Thank you for reverting to the true jackass that you have always been and treating my apartment and my things with absolutely no respect.

So now I have my sanity and my day back. I will spend the evening with two of my favorite men, Brett and Aaron. Aaaahhhh. Much better.

PS. the Dan Band holiday CD, HO, is out!!! I got an email about it when I got back from my ass kicking lunch hour. Things are already looking up!

On the Day Before

If I knew my mind
Like the back of my hand
The gold in the rainbow
Nothing panned out as I planned....

And there's always retrospect
When you're looking back
To light a clearer path
Every five years or so
I look back on my life
And I have a good laugh
You start at the top
Go full circle round
Catch a breeze
Take a spill
But ending up
Where I started again
Makes me wanna' stand still

So much to say. I had a great weekend up until the very end, when it all went to hell and as much as I might like to just focus on the happy-fun side, that is just not the kind of person that I am. I didn't think anything of the fact that I kept listening to Watershed, by the Indigo Girls all weekend. It's not unusual for me to get one song stuck in my head, so I didn't pay any attention to it. I was distracted by all the happy-fun... and green eyes. I'm not one of those people who lives their life by a horoscope or consults 'the cards', but there are signs. If you're listening to the song that was playing when you realized you were in love with a certain bastard over and over all weekend (no matter how good it is) you can't really be surprised when he shows up at your apartment while you're eating cheesecake in your pjs. Of course I was surprised. Shocked. Could have been knocked over with a feather and all that. It seems that the friends I had run into in DC had run into He Who Shall Not Be Named the next night and given up the deets. This just reinforces my 'life sucks' Theory of Everything. It would have been different if I had come to the door looking fabulous and found him 40 pounds heavier and balding. But no. There I was in my flannel snowflake pajamas with the cheesecake in my hand and we won't even talk about my hair b/c it's too embarrassing. And he was still- him. So, now the rat bastard is sleeping on my couch while I'm at work. We're going to have dinner tonight and "catch up" and then he'll be on his way to make some other woman's life miserable. I don't want him here. I want to leave work, make myself a leftover turkey sandwich with brie and cranberry sauce. I want to sit on my couch and watch the game and Studio 60. I want to put on my Cheesehead and scream at the TV like an idiot. I had PLANS!!!! I know, it's my own fault. I could have slammed the door in his face. Except I couldn't. Do you ever stop loving the first person you loved? It's been seven years since he left for Cali, at least five since I've heard anything from him, and still it's like it was all yesterday. Except I'm not naive little girl dreaming of bright lights and Oscar acceptance speeches. I have a life and I am building a future brick by brick. So maybe five years from now I'll look back on this and laugh. Right now it's just another thing in a packed day that I don't want to deal with.

Saturday, November 25

Too Angry For Words

I wasn't going to blog today. I'm still pretty tired from T-giving and I overslept this morning, so I'm not feeling overly productive. I was going to let it all go today. Then, I decided to check the Norva website to see if there were any tickets left for the Fray concert in January. I mean, I KNEW that there wouldn't be, but it never hurts to check right? WRONG!!!! I'm scrolling through the schedule and I see that JOHN LEGEND is playing there NEXT WEEKEND. And of course it's sold out. It's John Legend. I had to call my mom I was so damn upset. How did I miss this? What happened? Where was I? I mean, I LOVE this man and he will be in my town and I will be....that's right, nowhere near him. Fine. That's fine. I messed up. I'm a big girl and I should suck it up, they're just concert tickets. I'll get over it...right after I flop down on the floor and have a temper tantrum...
ps- the Fray was sold out too. Life sucks.

The last WW vid I'll post

One of my top five scenes

Friday, November 24

Cast on Ellen abt John

CJ and Danny- How can you not love him????

Josh is adorable...again

Josh and Donna

Margaret and Leo

West Wing Brothers in Arms

The Jackal

When the President Stands Nobody Sits

You HAVE to check this out!!!!

Since I'm stuck at work I might as well cruise the internet for West Wing memorabilia...hey it made sense to me. I hit the JACKPOT!!!! So all you West Wing fans check this site out. The best is the WWLD-What Would Leo Do? T-shirt, and I NEED a Big Block of Cheese Day sweatshirt! YEA!!!!

Thanksgiving Hangover

I went to Fort Washington, MD to see some friends and family for Thanksgiving. My mom went to the Bahamas and my dad went to Vegas, but I had to work on Friday, so I was going to behave myself.... My cousins and friends had all decided to have our Turkey Day at my cousin Tara's house in MD because she lost her mom last year. We ate like kings and played football in the back yard in what was left of the Nor' Easter and generally had a great time. My plan was to watch Grey's Anatomy, drink some wine and get a good night's sleep... At about 10:15 I was on the phone with a friend talking about Kristina and Burke when I was picked up off my feet and dumped into a car.(All I have to say is that SOMEONE isn't getting anything for Christmas!) We went to some bar in Georgetown where I ran into friends from Charleston and the rest is history. Actually,the rest is the brass band that has been banging in my head all day. It won't be history until I finally get to bed---which I still haven't done.
The problem with all this, other than the obvious, is that I'm supposed to be seeing someone tonight that I would really like to get to know. He's been pretty patient with my wacky schedule and now there is no way I'll be able to go out. I'll be lucky if I make it through the day. Well, we'll see what happens...

Wednesday, November 22

A little present for you

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving
Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep
I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned...The dark meat and white
But I fought the temptation with all of my might
Tossing and turning with anticipation
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
"Til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky
with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees....
Happy eating to all~ Pass the cranberries, please.
May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious, May your pies take the prize.
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving to each of you!

American Music Awards

I'm getting ready for Thanksgiving. Baking and cooking (read cursing and kicking the oven) so I tuned in to the AMAs last night more for background noise than anything. I have a friend from home who was in High School Musical, Monique Coleman (although back home she's Adrienne) and of course she looked great. It's pretty amazing to see someone you used to talk about going to awards show with when you were teenagers actually at an awards show. I am SO very proud of her! Also I wanted to see the Dixie Chicks perform and Kanye West win something, or bitch about not winning something. The Chicks were great-as was Tenacious D. I'm not sure how I feel about the movie though. Like other college kids across the country I felt like I had 'discovered' the D and I'm still not sure if I want to share them. Greatest Song In The World (A Tribute) is still one of my top five favorite songs. Needless to say I will definitely be seeing Pick of Destiny this weekend. All in all I guess the best thing that I can say about this year's AMAs is that they could have been worse. I could go on a rant about women who wear shorts with gowns men who pimp cliches and call it music, but I'll restrain myself. Three things though: I would appreciate it if the guys from Nickleback could stop being so damn attractive. I don't really like your music and it bugs me that I can't just change the channel when I see you. Also, the the Chili Peppers have always and will always rock and they do it without taking themselves so damn seriously--everyone could learn a thing or two. And lastly, a confession, YES I DID dance in my kitchen to Lionel Ritchie and I am not embarrassed...ok maybe a little bit....

Well I getting out of town for Turkey Day so there won't be anything tomorrow (although I will be watching all of the thanksgiving West Wings because that is what real fans do) but I'll catch you all up on Friday. Have a great Holiday!!!

Tuesday, November 21

RIP Robert Altman

They posted a notice today at 11:41. Apparently he passed at 11:29 this morning. Mr. Altman ws 81 and a particular favorite of mine. He will be missed.

More On 'Robert Altman'
Robert Altman
Director/Producer/Screenwriter: February 20, 1925 - Kansas City, MO

Avik Gilboa/
From All Movie Guide: During the 1970s, an era widely recognized as a renaissance period of American moviemaking, few directors enjoyed greater prominence than Robert Altman. An iconoclast whose work acutely attacked the conventions of genre filmmaking, Altman both satirized and revitalized such warhorses as the western, the musical, and the crime drama, waging war on the sterile artifice of mainstream storytelling by creating a singularly sprawling and deliberately messy cinematic world bursting at the seams with sounds, images, characters, and plot lines. Famed for his inventive brand of overlapping (and often improvisational) dialogue and an acknowledged master of modern camera technique, Altman's quixotic career has been uneven at best, yet he remains a pivotal figure of contemporary cinema, a true maverick responsible for many of the defining motion pictures of his times.

Option Period

You know you're a real fan when the theme music wakes you up and you are suddenly no longer tired at all. I barely made it through Heroes last night. I feel asleep way before I found out if they saved the cheerleader and the world. But as soon as the Studio 60 music started (continuing my love affair with W.G. Snuffy Walden and the entire Sorkin creative team. And guess what? Ricky and Ron are gone! I'm fine with that. Aaron is a genius, but he does not write petty feuding well. So now there is more time to focus on Bradley Whitford and Amanda Peet. I've been waiting for something to happen between the two of them since their first scene together and I knew Aaron wouldn't let me down. Take a look at next week's promo. I know, I know, Matthew Perry is supposed to be "the hot one". And that's fine, you can have him. I'll take Brad Whitford any day. Even the dumpy sweaters and reading glasses cannot make him any less wonderful. It's innate charm and wit combined with amazing talent and great eyes. Sigh....

Monday, November 20

Free Stuff

So, I got a gift certificate to iTunes from a friend from home a couple of minutes ago and of course I went straight to the website and spent it (who needs willpower anyway!) Now I've got the new Amos Lee cd keeping me company at work. And honestly, with a voice like that I rally don't mind being at work any more.

Everyone who wants one is getting a free turkey today at work. I may have to work on Black Friday, but I'll be eating a free bird on Thursday!!!

It's funny, I started the morning kind of down: It was early, the Packers lost and Brett got hurt. Now everyone in my office is walking around trying to find a place to put their frozen turkeys! I must admit, I am amused.

What kind of weekend has it been

So, I am quite proud of myself. I got all of my errands done AND managed to read the entire NY Times on Saturday. Can't really complain. So then on Sunday I decided to get out of the house to watch the games. Not that you can ever spend too much time watching SportsNight and West Wing re-runs at home, but I had decided to make a change. I talked to my mom for a while in the morning and she was going to a baseball game and then out to dinner with some friends. And since I told her that I was going out myself, I was pretty boxed in. (BTW, who plays baseball in November????) Anyway I went down to my new favorite bar and ended up meeting a pretty cool group of people. One was a Jets fan, but I've decided not to hold that against him because of his karaoke skills. The point is that it felt good to get out and meet new people. I guess the universe was rewarding the fact that I took action by steering the boors and bores away from me. No plans yet for the week, but I'm seriously considering taking myself to a movie tomorrow night. We'll see how it goes....

Saturday, November 18

Technorati Profile

Mom's Birthday

So, my mom's 62 birthday was yesterday. She had great one, which was partly on my account (yea me!) but mostly because of the life she has right now. It is extremely lowering to admit that I am jealous of the social, and quite frankly, the internal, life of a 62 year old woman. I am 27 and I spent last night the way I spend most nights. I made dinner, debated cleaning my kitchen and doing laundry, decided against both and settled down to read a book and watch a West Wing episode on DVD. That was my friday. Not so distinguishable from most of my other days. My mother, OTOH , wrapped up a full week of going out with friends and family and generally having a great time with a family dinner and then going out to her favorite places with people she really likes. A 22 year old guy that she works with baked her a pumpkin pie for her birthday, that's how cool my mom is. I would rather hang out with her than anyone else I know. Including myself. Here's the thing: I am a reasonably intelligent and attractive single young woman. I have a good job. Not great, but it'll do for now. I have plans for my future and a generally optimistic attitude. People like me. So what the hell am I doing sitting at home on a Friday night? What the hell is wrong with me????

I know that part of it is my own doing and part is circumstance. I moved to this port city in Virginia with a boyfriend who is no longer my boyfriend. I don't know anyone here that I don't work with and it is hard to meet people once you're out of school. I am ridiculously nostalgic for a tight knit crowd of college friends. I went to college in Charleston, SC the city where my family lives and was never at a loss for things to do or people to do them with. I knew the place and the people well enough that I was completely comfortable going out at night by myself. It was a rare night that I didn't bump into someone I was related to, friends with or who was a friend of a relative...relative of a friend... you get the picture.

So, the question now becomes, how do I re-enter the social world? There are so many options. I could volunteer someplace and soothe my liberal guilt while meeting people and helping others, I could hang out with people from work, join a gym, a book club, ten million options come to mind and if I was giving someone else advice I could make a small booklet of ideas. Ideas are not the problem. Time is, a little bit. I do work a lot. More than that is the comfort of wallowing. There is always another book to read, movie or show to watch. There is always an excuse. I've become comfortable with my isolation to the point where I just don't want to talk to people. I want to be left alone at the same time that I am awash in loneliness.

The beginnings of a plan to fight this ennui are forming, slowly but surely. First, whatever the thing is that I most DO NOT want to do is what I will do first. I know that I'll feel better once the laundry is all folded or the sink clear. If I can't stand the thought of people I am going to go out to dinner. Well, that's the plan anyway--we'll see about my willpower.
So the plan for day after work is to start things off with a bang: Grocery shopping, laundry AND cleaning! And tomorrow? I'm going out to watch the football games. Out of my house and downtown!!!

Wednesday, November 15

Never done this before. I guess I'm not alone in that. Well, it's not Saturday, so I guess I should wait until then to really start posting. In which case I should stop typing right now and delete everything I have so far. Hmmm. No. Well, I guess I'll see you on Saturday, so if you've stumbled across this site looking for brilliance you will have to wait until then...possibly far longer...