Wednesday, October 31

A More Congenial Spot For Happily Ever Aftering

If my life were a Broadway musical something hilarious would happen soon. There would be a plot twist both romantic and completely unrealistic and probably a snappy dance number as well. I could really use a snappy dance number.
Last night I put in some hours at the children’s hospital after work. The place works miracles. I was tired and in pain and suddenly I was sitting next to an incubator with a tiny hand wrapped around mine and I didn’t care anymore. My pain didn’t hurt and my exhaustion wasn’t that tiring.
Then I went home, fell into bed and watched Bones and House and most of Boston Legal before I passed out. I was lying there during a commercial break and thinking about the simple and the entertaining. The things I really enjoy in this world seem to be things which remove me from it. With the babies I am wrapped up in all the possibilities in their lives (and focused on not dropping them). I love books, movies, tv, theatre, music and art not only for their aesthetic value but also for the escape they offer. Please, I say, make me forget, for just a little while, take me away.
For years I was an active part of the theatre community. I was a student, an apprentice, a technician, actor and manager. I loved many things about it, but one of the best was the feeling of creating another world and of carrying an audience away with you. “Words, when spoken aloud for the sake of performance are music and music has the power to lift us and move us and change us in ways literal meaning can’t.” Aaron Sorkin wrote that. He understands the power of a great speech, or a great song. Of escape.
I’m going to spend today listening to Camelot and Man of La Mancha because I want to be transported and because today there is one less person in the world who understands the gift and the power that is the music of the word.
Rest In Peace Robert


Tuesday, October 30

You Make Me Sick

Greetings from Hell, minions. I thought I would talk about the latest fall fashion accessory, ulcers. Who ever heard of a 28 year old with ulcers?!? I’m going to ask my stomach for a divorce. I honestly don’t see the point of having a stomach any more, and my intestines can kiss my ass.
N-E-Way. I’m in pain and I’m pissed off, which I’m not supposed to be b/c that just makes the pain worse. It’s a super-fun cycle of soymilk, Nexium, yogurt and Pepto. Since we all know I wasn’t exactly sweetness and light before this I think you might be able to imagine my present mood.
I’m trying to focus on the positive:
My Secret Lover (Brett Favre, shhh… don’t tell anyone)had a great game against the Broncos last night.
There was no Kristen Bell on Heroes this week, Thank God.
Foreman is back on House tonight. Can you imagine? TWO whole black men on House at the same time…too exciting.
There’s a new BV podcast up and another one on the way. They’re going to spend more time focusing on me…as we all should.
Ok- I’m working too hard at this positivism for this to be positive, so I’m just gonna’ go ‘relax’ with my crappy breathing exercises.

In comments: When someone tells you that you need to calm down or relax you usually…

Saturday, October 27

Missionary Positions Available

For those of you who don't know I am a fairly devout ( read: scarily obsessed) follower of the Black Vatican. I love the comic and I REALLY love the trinities but perhaps my favorite parts of the site are the podcasts. The latest one has been up for a couple of days and I apologize for the fact that it has taken me so long to get this review posted. Anyway minions, here it is:

Clinically Caucasian - Episode 3 on the BV Podcasting Network

Flynn and The Pater Major made a radical decision with this podcast which I respect if I don't completely applaud - they are completely sober. Gone are the amaretto sours and wandering dirty jokes of past podcasts. Sigh. And yes, it was still funny - but not drunkenly funny, so I felt more guilty for being wasted at 8 am on a Saturday than I really needed to. Still, this was the tightest one yet - they even had an agenda. It was packed with info on the site, Flynn's injuries (the boy needs a bubble), his special powers and the latest BV project, The BV Missionaries. What exactly is a BV Missionary, you ask? Well minions, I am and you can be too! All you have to do is embrace the teachings and laughter of the Black Vatican and then spread the word. How do you do that? Go to the website, idiot.
No, seriously, check out the website. We're still in the early days of the BV so there isn't a huge backlog of comics to slog through and they are divided into chapters to make it easier on you initiates. Check out the forums and the podcasts and then buy me some schwag! (I really want the beer stein or the Nerdy Girl long sleeve t shirt...up to you)
If you post the banner on your site and help spread the word YOU could be recognized as a BV Missionary (special undergarments and bicycle not included). So send the link to the people in your office, post it on your blog, spread it around the forums on walrus pron you frequent and watch your status within the BVatican grow!

This has been a paid advertisement for the Claims made do not necessarily reflect the thinking of A Whole New G or its subsidiaries. All right reserved. Will you just check out the damn website already?!?!

Friday, October 26

Don't Bring Me Down

I’m scared.
I woke up this morning to the realization that last night I had filled the coffee maker (decaf…but still), filled the cereal bowl and set out my clothes. There was nothing for me to do but take a shower and get dressed.
Last night’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy was some of the most entertaining TV I’ve seen in a while. I don’t know if that means it was a really good episode or my life really sucks, but either way I had a great time watching it.
Then I fell asleep and actually had a pretty pain free night – or if I didn’t I slept through it.
It’s Friday which means I’m only a few hours away from not having to see The Evil Dead Bitch From Hell for two whole days!!!
AND I had a great idea for the next Bunny Story last night!
Problem now is, I’m happy. This can’t last. I know the world, well the World of G anyway, and I know that the day can’t stay this good.
But G, you say, what happened to ‘say yes to life’? Well, minions don’t ever quote me to me. I can be scared if I want to. Do you when my last good day was? No? Me neither – that’s how long ago it must have been.
Did I mention that I have season 4 of The L Word on DVD at home? I could completely be a Lesbian if I didn’t have to have sex with women. I’ve been waiting for this season to get here for-ev-er.
Now I can almost see the other shoe dangling on a thin thread above my head if I look up fast enough.
So, what’s up with my minions today?

Thursday, October 25

Cruel to be Kind

Twilight started yesterday around 3pm. The skies went black and opened up. We have been in desperate need of the rain. In my part of VA we are about 14 inches low for the year and everyone has been praying for a good soaker. Actually, we need ten or twelve good soakers but we’ll take what we can get.
For about a month now I’ve been on a water conservation kick. While I’ve always been extremely conscious of my power usage I must admit that I rarely think about my water usage; probably because I don’t pay for it. Now the NY Times Magazine, my local news and my conscience have ganged up on me. It turns out that I was already a pretty good water conservationist, but there were ways I could be better and I’ve been working on them. Since I don’t have a lawn and I let Mother Nature wash Pookie The Wonder Jetta there hasn’t been a great change in my daily routine. Taking any action, no matter how small, made me feel better while we all waited for rain.
It’s still coming down. I don’t know how many inches have fallen around the area but I do know that this is he kind of rain farmers love; steady but not hard and it has been slowing up every couple of hours so theground gets a chance to soak it all in before the tap gets turned on again.
It’s also the kind of rain known as “go ahead and blow your last personal day so you can sleep in and watch The Princess Bride and read a book and snuggle into your bed and listen to the rain”. More than anything I could use a day off with nothing to do. A stolen day from the responsibilities of my life. A day to pretend I’m not sick. It’s not going to happen before the end of the year at least, but I can sit here stare out the window and dream…

Wednesday, October 24

Sex, Lies and Ice Cream

Part 2 of the Bunny Saga... ( read part 1 here)

Hunny was aching in places other women didn’t know existed. Swinging around on a 12 foot pole performing acrobatic stunts without using her arms or legs was hard work. And yet, as had been said by kings and queens, Hunny was no ordinary woman.
Hunny’s talents were many and varied. She had been living in Hannibal, MO for the better part of a year now teaching Swahili and performing her avant-garde burlesque as a cover for her true mission – pumping Mr. Punkin La Saggine, the pre-eminent Pron Pontiff, for information on his very great friend, the President of Liechtenstein.
It was closing in on 3am and Hunny was relaxing after a long day and night of work with a bubble bath and some psychotropic substances, like you do, when something occurred to her. Her sister, Bunny, had created a computer program which could match people with the one flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream that they would never be able to resist with a simple questionnaire of 1001 questions. Hunny was to retrieve this information with liberal application of her feminine wiles. Trouble was that La Saggine was generally blissfully comatose after the most preliminary of applications and Hunny enjoyed wile wielding too much to be more conservative with it. Bunny needed that flavor information by Saturday. On Monday night there was to be a state dinner at the White House. Inside the President of Liechtenstein’s ice cream would be a pill designed to work specifically with his DNA to turn him into a slave of the DOD- he was a famous dieter, so not just any flavor would tempt him. Bunny had apparently learned nothing from her ‘lost weekend’.
Now Hunny had an idea as to what could possibly cool her blood enough so that she wouldn’t be roused into over-wiling the Pron Pontiff. She sunk further into the bath; enjoying the pleasant fragrance of the bath and watching her toes melt over its sides while mentally ticking through her options. Taking a job as an administrative assistant until she turned suicidal would take too long. Archeology always made her think of broken pottery and got her ‘all het up’. She used puppet wrangling in her act- so that was out… It wasn’t until the sounds of the pedal rikshaws and segways drifted up through her open window that she finally knew what she had to do.
Hunny rose from the tub and walked dripping and naked over to her TV. Settling down on her bed with the remote in hand she called up this week’s episode of Heroes on her DVR. After watching Kristen Bell’s performance constantly for 30 minutes Hunny was not only dry but also slightly nauseated. There was no way she would over wile now, not with that grating voice and those stiff expressions running through her mind. Even the drugs couldn’t have made it palatable… oh well. It had to be done…and so did the Pron Pontiff!

As Hunny started to dress she wondered what he sister Sunny was up to…

Ginteractive Storytelling

I need some answers, minions! In comments please list:
1. A Country
2. A US City
3. A type of transportation
4. A language
5. A Job Title
6. Something that has made you smile today.

You’ll soon come to understand the ways of the World of G. Well, as much as a beloved minion can, anyway. Get to typing!!!

Tuesday, October 23

Let's Get It Started...or Get Retarded...whatever

They say that sometimes when you don’t know what to write you just have to start writing anyway. Professionals that I have heard interviewed have said that even when they feel they have nothing they will sit down and type, sometimes gibberish, until the ideas start to flow. It’s another version of ‘use it or lose it’, I suppose.
Well, what happens when you have the opposite problem? I have plenty of tiny snippets of musings and wonderings running through my head and nothing tangible enough to put together before you, my minions, to feast on.
There’s bit of a Bunny story in there (I think she has a sister, Hunny, who is a stripper and a spy).
We have GOT to get Veronica Mars-Bars off of Heroes. I’m not kidding, minions, I will not have that woman ruining my show.
I haven’t had any fun in too long and I’ve been trying to think how to fix that. The thing is, the harder you have to think about it, the less fun it is. (True for so many things)
There are people on this planet who waste the oxygen they breathe and one of them works in my office. The fact that she is still alive is a testament to my awesome will power.
Killing people is bad… Every life is sacred…blah, blah, blah – but I really can’t stand that woman.
I now have three charities that I’m trying to help and still no money. What the hell was I thinking???
I thought that the point of following your doctor’s orders was that you were supposed to feel better? I’ve been feeling pretty steadily worse. Maybe I should have done more than glance at those diplomas on his wall.
If more people are going to join the football pool they need to be people who suck. I’m just saying…
I know that bad things happen to everyone. Do I just notice it more when they happen to good people?
I want to get in Pookie the Wonder Jetta, turn up the radio and just drive for a couple hours. I think I’d feel too guilty about the wasted gas to do it though.
Maybe I am insane. It’s possible.

Saturday, October 20

Feel The Love-iness

In case you couldn't tell, the past week has been a trifle difficult in the World of G. There have been idiots, assholes and droughts as well as despair, violent feelings and stomach cramps. At the moment the Life of G is a mite painful. There are things that help, some of them are even legal. The things that help the most are laughter and feeling like I've done something productive in my role as Wench Goddess of the Universe. How wonderful was it then, that I was able to find these two things all wrapped up in a tidy package?! Quite wonderful, thank you.
I was watching the Colbert Report online (because I am one of SC's beautiful, beautiful people) and he mentioned this site : where teachers who need charitable donations will post their stories and you, minions, can donate directly to them. It's pretty cool. You can donate in the name of a candidate for office, hence Stephen's involvement, or you can donate in the name of a person or family.
As we all know I am basically broke. I'm excited that I had enough gas to get me down to the hospital where I volunteer three nights a week and I know that none of you are rolling in the dough, but I do wish you would check this site out. You can search by state and city and it's a great way to find out what's going on in your community. I'm going to pick one in SC and one in VA and see if I can't figure out a way to help. I'd like to think maybe one or two of you will join me.

Friday, October 19

Manners are Rude

Someone really needs to explain this to me. What business of yours is how I happen to be doing on any given day? I do not know you; I am probably speaking to you on the phone in order to direct your call to someone else or answer a general question. Do you need to know my mental state in order for me to do that? Does it do anything other than waste my time? No- I don’t think so. Why then, am I forced to lie upwards of 50 times a day in order to be considered polite?
Here’s my thing, minions: don’t ask a question you don’t want the answer to. This is something that has been bothering me for months now. Someone calls in and asks me how I’m doing and I’m supposed to say “Fine, and you?” and then they answer and then maybe, just maybe they’ll get around to the real reason they called and in the meantime the phones are ringing off the hook! Yet if they ask me that question and I say “I’m busy and frustrated because you’re holding me up”, then I’M the rude one. I honestly do not understand the point of that question.
Let’s say it takes 10-15 seconds for the ‘how are you’ exchange. By the end of my day that it approximately 12.5 minutes of my life you have forced me to spend lying about how I am and pretending to care about the lie you’re about to tell me. I don’t know about you, but I have so many other things I could be spending that time doing.
If you are not family, a friend, or a minion who actually wants to know how I am then

end of lecture… if you think I went a little too far please go check out the Captain
and then you can kiss my ass

Thursday, October 18


I make less than practically anyone else in the company for what is supposedly a “very important” job and is assuredly an annoying, coma/ulcer inducing one.
But I’m not angry.
I can’t leave my job because I’m sick and I need the health insurance benefits.
But I’m not angry.
I can’t really confront my bosses about my issues because it would be cheaper and easier for them to replace me than it would be for them to fix anything.
But I’m not angry.
I’ve been looking for a part time job for after work and on weekends to help with my bills and can’t find anything that will work with my schedule.
But I’m not angry.
None of my family or friends wants to hear about any of this, they basically tell me to fix it or stop whining.
But I’m not angry.
Actual conversation that happened yesterday:
Me (paging): K pick up line 601 for Boss. Kim 601 for Boss.
J: (yelling from somewhere down the hall) WHO???
Me: K.
J: WHO???
Me: K!
J: WHO???
Me: K!!!
J: (screaming) Stop screaming down the hallway! What’s wrong with you?
Why should I be angry?
In the past three days I have been told that I am too loud, too dramatic, and unprofessional as well as too quiet and too serious. I cannot win and no one will leave me alone.
But I’m not angry.
I wake up every morning dreading having to leave my bed and come to this place where I completely waste a college degree that I’m still paying for.
But I’m not angry.
My bills are these:
Rent, Power, Car payments, Insurance, Gas, Food, payment into bookstore fund- and I rarely have any money left over. I don’t have cable, I don’t buy new clothes, I rarely go out. I don’t buy books or music, I don’t go to movies. I am barely getting by.
But I’m not angry.
I have goals and dreams and I will sacrifice for them. I will do whatever must be done to get out of here. Don’t ask me how I’m doing, don’t ask me if I want to talk. I’m not fine and I don’t want to talk about it. I am stuck in hell for the next 10 months and I do not want to talk about it. I swear there is no way out that you can think of that I haven’t already thought of. I can’t do or have any of the things I want for 10 more months so I’ll get through it. Freedom will be worth it.

Tuesday, October 16

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Gut Feelings

I have been put on a diet by Dr. G. He has cut my caffeine, limited my salt and sugar and doubled my calcium and fiber intake among other annoying things ( He tried to take away my Ben and Jerry’s which almost led to bloodshed, but ended in compromise) . He’s a Gastroenterologist so you’d think that he’d be trying to cut me open or snake something through my intestines or at least give me a pill or something, but no- he’s put me on a diet. Only he doesn’t call it that. He’s says to me, “Oh Great and Mighty G, we need to change the way you eat.” Ok, so it was more along the lines of being thoroughly exasperated that I hadn’t done what he told me to do the first two times I’d come into his office. Apparently my immune system and GI tract are not playing nice. What I need to do is scrub the thing clean and help them become friends again. This means I need certain nutrients more than others. Basically my choices are get on the diet and stay on it or go through some torturous unpleasant medical procedures. So I’m on the diet. I’ve been doing it for about a week now and I’ve started to figure some things out- the first being that it really isn’t that hard to change the way you eat. Instead of looking at calories and fat content on the labels of boxes I’m looking for calcium, antioxidants, fiber and magnesium content. I went online and looked up which foods have the highest levels of these (did you know that nuts have calcium? Me neither.) Then I just started paying more attention to what I buy. There’s a soymilk that has calcium, fiber, protein and magnesium. There’s pasta that has fiber, Omega 3’s and antioxidants. There are plenty of veggies I was already friends with that have all kinds of goodness in them. Spinach is basically a wonder food. Who knew? Well, Popeye, obviously.
N. E. WAY!
Let me walk slowly backwards from the soapbox I was approaching and sum up with this: How about instead of all of these crazy diets that I see people yo yo on and all of these crazy powders and supplements that people pay millions each year for we make a change. Why don’t we all stop counting calories and start counting vitamins and minerals? Why don’t we start planning our meals based around what our body needs? You know what will happen then- people will lose weight. They will probably end up cutting calories and fat as well, but at the very least they will know that everything that goes in to their bodies will be something they can use. (Oops! Might have tripped and fallen onto the soapbox there, sorry).
I’m on this diet with strict levels of nutrients I need to hit each day for the next 6 weeks. Then we’ll reevaluate and I’ll probably be turned loose with an admonition to “stop eating stupid”. This is something Dr. G has said to me two times before…hopefully this time it will stick.
On another note: Am I the only Heroes fan bothered by the fact that Kristen Bell is joining the cast? I’ve never seen her act in anything where she wasn’t snarky, which makes me think it’s a personality trait and worry about her character on the show. We don’t need snarky. I am not happy about this, minions, not at all.

Friday, October 12


Susan's been giving out the questions willy nilly over at Random Moments, but they're so good you can't blame us all for lining up...

1.When asked if they'd go back and change something in their lives, a lot of people will say "no". I believe this is total bs. If you could go back and tell the younger G to change one thing, what would it be? This could be anything from not getting involved with a certain someone to "please, for the love of god, don't get your picture taken with crimped hair and 3 gallons of aquanet"..wait..maybe that's what I'd tell the younger me..
This is going to sound strange, but I would make sure I hung on to the box. When I was packing up after my freshman year of college there was on box that held all of my pictures, notes, letters and all the memorabilia that I really wanted to keep. It went into summer storage with everything else because most of it had hung on my wall and I wanted it to again. I didn’t return to school in Santa Fe and when I went to get everything from storage the box wasn’t there. I can still see some of the pictures in there. I can remember snatches of the notes. I don’t know why, but I feel the loss of that box sometimes like a physical ache. It was everything that really mattered to me from that time in my life.

2.It's time to hit the club! After a few shots you hear a song and scream "Oh my god I love this song!!!" What's the song? What song do you hear five minutes later and scream the same thing over but it's a booty shakin' song?
Ok- here’s the thing: Sad as it is G doesn’t get out to the clubs too often. In fact, it’s been over a year. Bars, yes- clubs no. This really is sad, b/c I’m a pretty good dancer. After a couple of shots I will yell out ‘I love this song’ at every song. Yes. I am that girl. The first one would probably be some old school Michael Jackson (Off the Wall or something else really early 80’s) and the booty song would probably be by OutKast … maybe 50, depending on how many shots there had been :)

3.You're suddenly teleported into a Disney movie. Which princess are you most like? Which of the princes from the movies is going to be your knight in shining armor? Which villain scares the absolute hell out of you? Oh and which trick do you fall for—ie: prick your finger on a spindle, eat a poison apple…
I think I’m most like Ariel. I’m looking for something more in my life, a radical change. I want a chance to step into the unknown, despite the dangers. I want it badly enough that I would probably fall into the same trap that she does. In fact I am very wary of helping hands because I realize my vulnerability at this moment. My Prince would probably be Aladdin. Most of the guys I’ve dated have been choices that the people around me haven’t understood- but I saw the gold in them. As for the villains- they all scare the hell out of me. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t kick some ass…

4. You just won a shopping spree! What stores do you hit first? What are you buying me? :)
Waldenbooks, Nordstrom, Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Nine West, Godiva. Well, first off I’m sure I’d buy you a teddy bear, because I already promised. Then I’d probably just see random things that reminded me of you and grab them.

5. Last but certainly not least, what keeps you going? Is it coffee? Hope? An undying optimistic characteristic? The hope for world domination??
Since I’m off caffeine for a while (thanks doc) I’ll have to say that it’s a combination of things:
A fear of having (more) regrets
A burning desire for happiness
Anger at many things and a desire to fix them
Love of my family and friends
Hope for love and a family of my own

Thursday, October 11

Strange Fruit At My Breaking Point

I had a plan. I was gathering 200 factoids and tidbits about my self along with general witticisms and G trivia for this, my 200th post. Then I saw the news this morning. It was actually the words “Columbia University Teachers College” that got my attention, because that is where Papa G got his masters degree. For those of you who don’t know here is the story:
Professor Madonna Constantine arrived at work on Tuesday morning to find a noose hanging from the door to her office. Constantine is a professor of psychology and education at the renowned Teachers College. She also co-wrote a book “Addressing Racism: Facilitating Cultural Competence in Mental Health and Educational Settings”.
Instead of doing her work on Tuesday she spent the day focused on this violation. The NYPD Hate Crimes detectives were called in and plans were made to address the students and explain the presence of the police on campus. This morning Professor Constantine appeared on Good Morning America and what struck me was when she was asked how this made her feel (surely the most inane of questions) one of her answers was ‘embarrassed’. I felt a strange kinship with her in that moment. Can you understand that Minions? Can you understand what it is to be violated and angry and at the same time embarrassed, even though you know you shouldn’t be and that you did nothing wrong?
I am angry. At this moment I am fearsomely, violently angry. The scum who fashioned this noose meant for her to feel fear, shame and pain. This is exactly what the piece of shit wanted. I’m also tired; tired of people boiling everything down to the lowest and most base levels and targeting those who try to rise above.
I don’t care what his or her motives were. I don’t care what happened to make him that way. I wish that I could take all of my brothers and sisters of color away somewhere where they would be safe. Emotionally and physically.
I am an interracial American, educated and liberal minded- and I want to flee. I know that at some point later today I will calm down. I will see that we all need to make a stand against this together and I will remember that the violent actions and intentions of one do not speak for a group.
I’m tired of having to remember. I’m tired of the confederate flags and the “Never apologize for being white” bumper stickers. I’m tired of the nooses in the trees and on the doorknobs. I’m tired of Bill O’Reilly and the fucking Republican Party. I’m tired of having to deal with it every day. I’m tired of forgiving and I’m tired of educating. I’m tired of the fear and the strain. I’m tired of the little slights that I let go every day and I’m tired of waking up in the morning to some fresh new steaming pile of shit on the airwaves.
Papa G says “All you absolutely have to do in this life is stay Black and die”. Let me tell you that some days it’s a hell of a lot of work.

Wednesday, October 10

It's All About Soul

There are two kinds of people in the world- people who want to say no and people who want to say yes. I don’t mean to separate everyone into optimists and pessimists, but people who take action and those who deny it.
I see this all around me. V is making a decision right now which will change the course of her life. She has no way of knowing whether it will ultimately be for the better, but she is climbing her way up and preparing to jump off the cliff. I see the people I volunteer with making the time in their lives to do something for someone else. I see people getting out into the world and making some type of change, leaving some type of footprint. I also see people completely unconnected from what they want in this life. They don’t know what their dreams are and so have no way of getting anywhere near them.
I really think everyone needs to stop for a minute, and hour or a day. Stop and take the time for some self reflection, Minions. What is it that you need in your life and how are you going to get it? I’m talking about the big things and the little things. Why have you never planted the garden you’ve been talking about for years, or learned how to use that software? Why are you spending more time on the things you have to do than the ones you want to do? Do you even know what it is you want?
Wake up and pay some attention to yourself. No one else is going to fix your life; you need to do that yourself. Make a plan, figure out how you’re going to take the first step and then just take it. You don’t have to see the end of the road.
“All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don’t sit looking at it- WALK.” – Ayn Rand
The entire change may be huge or tiny; it may be noticeable to everyone or only to you. The entire change may be unbearably hard but the steps? The steps are simple. Left foot, right foot. Do it now, because you don’t know how long you’ll have. Do it now because regrets are venomous. Do it now because it is what you owe yourself. Say yes.

Monday, October 8

The Meaningless and All That's True...

I got up crazy early on Saturday. Again. This time it wasn’t to go to work, but to go to a class offered at the hospital where I volunteer. I now know a lot more than I ever wanted to about babies and HIV/AIDS. Then came a good cry in the shower at home. Somehow I never feel guilty about crying in the shower, when I do feel guilty about crying in general.
Talked to Papa G Saturday evening. He’ll be visiting again for his birthday in December and we’re going to go see James Blake and Serena Williams in an exhibition match at a cancer research fundraiser. I’m pretty excited about it. For some reason I mentioned my plans to move to Seattle and go back to school to him and he reacted exactly as I thought he would. After that round of crying I decided to quit the world. I pulled out Voyager, The Drums of Autumn and A Breath of Snow and Ashes by Diana Gabaldon and started to read. I was awake until well after three in the morning, but had nothing to do on Sunday and so didn’t care.
On Sunday morning things were looking up. It was a gorgeous day outside and I found some regular coffee in the back of my freezer and decided to treat myself. Then I saw the shrimp and decided to really treat myself. I made myself some coffee with actual caffeine in it and shrimp and grits and settled down again with my book, then George Stephanopoulos and then my book again.
Life was good; no- life was great, until the conversation with Mama G about the conversation with Papa G. Since I hadn’t taken a shower anyway I figured, what the hell…
I read all day long. When I finished one book I picked up the next in the series. After dinner I settled in to watch my secret lover lead his team to another win only to find that Jones ‘great hands’ had taken the night off as had McCarthy’s coaching ability. After screaming myself hoarse and basically having a temper tantrum during the last 3 minutes of the game I turned the TV off.
I picked up my book again.

Friday, October 5

Hobbies, Drugs, Sex, Rock 'n Roll, Defense Budget, and Bunnies

You guys never let me down. My muse walks out on me and you drag her back, kicking and screaming (one of you has a little problem with bondage, but I’ll let that go). Well, you asked for it, so here it is.

Happy Bunny
A Fable by G

Bunny was a Department of Defense drone. She worked in the Public Relations office, an off shoot of Research and Development trying to determine exactly how gullible the American people were. Using her massive endowments (mammary and cranial) she slaved away day after day in a windowless room. Bunny was not happy.
At night she cooked tasteless yet healthy meals which she ate in her Ethan Allen dining room before working out in her home gym and watching Fox news to make sure her work was spreading far and wide.
On the night our story takes place Bunny was driving home in her SUV thinking alternately about the grilled tilapia she would have for dinner and the report she had written that day to cover up defense budget mismanagement and blame it all on Green Party infiltration into the DOD. So she was slightly preoccupied when her SUV was rear ended by a bus. Miffed, Bunny checked that her semi automatic was indeed in her purse and loaded and then pulled the SUV to the side of the road. The bus followed. It was black with smoked out windows and for a moment Bunny wondered if her report had ruffled some feathers but no- the door was opening now and smoke came billowing out as a slightly bedraggled man in an ancient chauffeur outfit came down the steps and walked up to Bunny.
“Madam, I do apologize for the inconvenience. If you would follow me we will clear all of this up.” His voice sounded slightly stopped up and his name tag read C.B. Jay. Bunny thought that there was no way getting on the bus would clear anything up but that smoke was starting to affect her mind and she honestly didn’t care much any more.
Days later Bunny would not be able to describe the inside of the bus. All she would remember was a swirl of colors and books stacked in odd places.
She was introduced to Mayren and the Abashed, a rock group on tour. The Abashed were comprised of Susan Random on Bass and Linus Furious on Drums. Mayren played guitar. There were giant spiders painted on the ceiling of the bus that seemed to crawl toward Bunny as the introductions were made. They didn’t bother her at all because she had taken V’s advanced spider killing class the week before and knew she now had the skills to take them down.
After the spiders and the introductions things got a little hazy. She remembered things in snatches. Herself in a semi medieval costume made of leather strips in a cage hung above a stage gyrating to strange sounds… Herself with the one they call Linus in the back of the bus, she was calling him Pater Major for some reason… Herself sitting on Jay’s lap as he drove the bus with Mayren and the Abashed rocking loud enough to turn the whole thing into a ginormous street legal vibrator...
Bunny woke up in her car two weeks later. She was blissfully sore in all kinds of places and completely revitalized. Even odder, Bunny was happy. She thought of her windowless room and then she thought of the long, strange trip she had been on and she turned her car west and started to drive…

Any Way You Want It

I have no idea what to write about today. My muse has given me the finger and stalked off. So it's up to you, minions! What do you want to hear about?
Or should I just shut up?

Wednesday, October 3

Good Morning America - two days of crap

I don’t have cable. I have Netflix and an adult amount of patience, so I’m usually fine. It hurts during football season when I would love to have all of the ESPNs but no one ever said life was fair unless they were selling something.
I am a reasonable, intelligent adult who likes to watch the news in the mornings while I have breakfast and the decaf that passes for coffee in my house since my doctor started throwing around big words. I watch the local news and then I usually catch about half an hour of Good Morning America. I used to watch the Today show, but Meredith turns my stomach and decaf coffee is punishment enough for my sins. My choices are limited because I refuse to watch anything on Fox that they try to pass off as news and I don’t get CBS at all through some fluke of the airwaves.
Honestly, other than my lack of sports programming this has never bothered me. I like books. I’m all set for entertainment.
Now I know that this is a morning show and I expect the bits on the best hamburger recipe and the latest septuplets but yesterday and today GMA led with Britney Spears’ custody fight.
I’m confused. How is this news? What about this affects me, my family, my state, my country or the world we live in? How are they even justifying this to themselves? I understand that news directors across the country are feeling the pinch as stations try to take the news from a public service to a profit center. I generally cut them a break. This time, however, I have to call bullshit. My station choices are limited enough as it is. My free time is limited as well. When I turn on the news the least I expect is to have the lead story be actual news. Until someone can tell me by what standard whether Britney or K-Fed is a better parent is news I will remain one pissed off viewer. If there is one more morning of this I will be off morning news for good.

Tuesday, October 2

No one has ever loved me as well as I've loved myself...

- Mae West

I'm a big slacker who doesn't check all of her email accounts, but I did today and look what I got! And interview from Eslocura! (I only do these because I know you minions thirst for more G and I am here to fill the void in your lives with my magnificence)

1)Speaking of cracks, Mae West once said " It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any.", generally speaking what have you cracked but not broken?
I am a depressingly ‘good girl’ and Mae would be ashamed of me. I have almost no willpower what so ever so you’d think I’d have some great stories, but no. You know what? I’m going to go out tonight and break some rules, Mae West style. I hope I can count on you all for bail money…

2) Given the ability to orchestrate a completely magical moment, describe your "magical moment".
It would have to be in Venice in the early fall at sunrise. I am standing on a hotel balcony looking out over the city as that magical light begins to filter through the sky. I am at peace with myself and the world and in awe of the beauty that man can create. And there is spectacular coffee available.

3) Most of us try to not judge a book by its cover, but alas we all do it sometimes. When people first meet you what does your cover say to them?
I’ve gotten all kinds of things. People who hear my voice over the phone usually assume I’m either some kind of hippie chick or an uber- professional, both of which completely stymie me. I’ve been told that I look a lot younger than I am which used to annoy me but becomes more comforting every year. Other than that this question is hard to answer because I honestly don’t know how people see me. I usually don’t care (unless a gorgeous man is in the room).

4) If ship wrecked on that proverbial deserted island, what 5 things would you hope you were smart enough to bring along?
A lighter
A Swiss Army knife
A bag full of books
A pen

5) What makes you a great friend?
I’m not a person who makes close friends easily, so once you’re in, you’re in for life. Whatever you need I will try to find, whenever you call I’ll be there. My arms are always open and jokes are free. If you’re being an asshole, I’ll tell you that too. I will never let you go out in public looking like an idiot. Unless it’s on purpose.

Monday, October 1

I'm giving up my vices, I'm going back, back to school...

There’s a lot going on in the Head of G this morning. First, let me say, we’re 4-0!!! That’s as far as I’m going because I don’t want to jinx anything and fate doesn’t like me so much.
Also, I have made some decisions. One decision. A big decision. I’m going back to college and as someone who barely escaped the first time this is particularly scary. I’m applying to UW and Seattle U because I’ve already made the decision to relocate next summer and they are both good schools. It’s time to jump in (which I’m getting better at).
I haven’t told anyone in my family yet. There are a number of reasons for this.

  1. In case you haven’t noticed, Papa G and I have a very complicated relationship. While he would be excited that I’m doing this, he would also try to hijack the process and I don’t need another fight on my hands.

  2. The program I really want is the Entrepreneurship Program at the Business College at UW and it is extremely hard to get into. My grades outside of my major classes were never stellar and if I get accepted to UW I will probably have at least a semester of work before I could get into the Business College if then.

  3. I am already crazy-go-nuts nervous and I haven’t even mailed back the applications yet! I don’t need my family being nervous with me.

  4. They have never believed that Seattle was really where I intended to go. Every single one of them has a connection in some other city that could surely make my life easier and all of these will be offered. Seattle is what I want, but I have a habit of taking an easier way when they offer it. They don’t so much ‘offer’ as move you along until you’re right where they thought you needed to be all along.

One thing I have learned being away from the Fam of G is that I need to be away from them. I do better and we all get along much better when I’m not there. 28 may be a little late to be spreading my wings, but it’s better than never. Honestly, I’m not sure if I could have flown straight from Chucktown to Seattle. This little stopover in VA has been good for me. So, here’s the plan: Whether I get in to UW or SU or nothing I am moving to Seattle by next Labor Day. I will get a job and start networking in the business community there and take business classes at night if I need to. I am going to start taking concrete steps towards this dream. I really wanted to share all this with someone, and since the Fam of G is out for now… the Minions of G will have to do:)
It’s a big move, but I’m a big girl.

4-0 baby!!! Go Pack!!!