Thursday, October 18

Denial

I make less than practically anyone else in the company for what is supposedly a “very important” job and is assuredly an annoying, coma/ulcer inducing one.
But I’m not angry.
I can’t leave my job because I’m sick and I need the health insurance benefits.
But I’m not angry.
I can’t really confront my bosses about my issues because it would be cheaper and easier for them to replace me than it would be for them to fix anything.
But I’m not angry.
I’ve been looking for a part time job for after work and on weekends to help with my bills and can’t find anything that will work with my schedule.
But I’m not angry.
None of my family or friends wants to hear about any of this, they basically tell me to fix it or stop whining.
But I’m not angry.
Actual conversation that happened yesterday:
Me (paging): K pick up line 601 for Boss. Kim 601 for Boss.
J: (yelling from somewhere down the hall) WHO???
Me: K.
J: WHO???
Me: K!
J: WHO???
Me: K!!!
J: (screaming) Stop screaming down the hallway! What’s wrong with you?
Why should I be angry?
In the past three days I have been told that I am too loud, too dramatic, and unprofessional as well as too quiet and too serious. I cannot win and no one will leave me alone.
But I’m not angry.
I wake up every morning dreading having to leave my bed and come to this place where I completely waste a college degree that I’m still paying for.
But I’m not angry.
My bills are these:
Rent, Power, Car payments, Insurance, Gas, Food, payment into bookstore fund- and I rarely have any money left over. I don’t have cable, I don’t buy new clothes, I rarely go out. I don’t buy books or music, I don’t go to movies. I am barely getting by.
But I’m not angry.
I have goals and dreams and I will sacrifice for them. I will do whatever must be done to get out of here. Don’t ask me how I’m doing, don’t ask me if I want to talk. I’m not fine and I don’t want to talk about it. I am stuck in hell for the next 10 months and I do not want to talk about it. I swear there is no way out that you can think of that I haven’t already thought of. I can’t do or have any of the things I want for 10 more months so I’ll get through it. Freedom will be worth it.

12 Comments:

His Sinfulness said...

I wish I could help. I, too, am trapped in a hellish job that is not in my field(s) and is a waste of my talents. I long for grad school...

NoRegrets said...

As long as you keep plugging away, you'll eventually get away. Don't give up hope - something else has to come along but it'll take perseverance and work.

Flynn said...

I'm sorry hun, I wont offer advice or anything, instead [huggles] :)

You'll find something that will make you happy, just a matter of time...

Susan said...

((HUGS))

WNG said...

Trapped is exactly how I feel, Pater - but I'm a fighter.

I'm holding on to hope by the skin of my teeth, NoR, but my teeth are strong :)

You know I'm calling you Flynn****** in my head right now. Thanks for the huggles :)

WNG said...

Susan- HUGS to you too, sweetie! And I swear I'm still looking for the perfect teddy bear. I will NOT be defeated!!!

V said...

Wow. I am sorry I can't do anything. The company is crap no doubt about it. You are one of the most strong, beautiful, intelligent women I know and I know you will succeed. I love you. What doesn't kill us will make us stronger. Maybe it is time to find the cute boy with the grandma who bakes and it would be a plus if he was loaded.

WNG said...

Thanks V.

Jay said...

At least you do have a goal and are working towards it. That's something. More than I have right now. LOL

WNG said...

Yeah but Jay, you can vlog!

NoRegrets said...

Oh, I wondered if it was women who said you were too much and men too little, vice versa, or really can't tell.

WNG said...

NoR- It didn't split along gender lines and a couple of people actually reversed themselves. It's insane, actually.