Wednesday, October 24

Sex, Lies and Ice Cream

Part 2 of the Bunny Saga... ( read part 1 here)

Hunny was aching in places other women didn’t know existed. Swinging around on a 12 foot pole performing acrobatic stunts without using her arms or legs was hard work. And yet, as had been said by kings and queens, Hunny was no ordinary woman.
Hunny’s talents were many and varied. She had been living in Hannibal, MO for the better part of a year now teaching Swahili and performing her avant-garde burlesque as a cover for her true mission – pumping Mr. Punkin La Saggine, the pre-eminent Pron Pontiff, for information on his very great friend, the President of Liechtenstein.
It was closing in on 3am and Hunny was relaxing after a long day and night of work with a bubble bath and some psychotropic substances, like you do, when something occurred to her. Her sister, Bunny, had created a computer program which could match people with the one flavor of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream that they would never be able to resist with a simple questionnaire of 1001 questions. Hunny was to retrieve this information with liberal application of her feminine wiles. Trouble was that La Saggine was generally blissfully comatose after the most preliminary of applications and Hunny enjoyed wile wielding too much to be more conservative with it. Bunny needed that flavor information by Saturday. On Monday night there was to be a state dinner at the White House. Inside the President of Liechtenstein’s ice cream would be a pill designed to work specifically with his DNA to turn him into a slave of the DOD- he was a famous dieter, so not just any flavor would tempt him. Bunny had apparently learned nothing from her ‘lost weekend’.
Now Hunny had an idea as to what could possibly cool her blood enough so that she wouldn’t be roused into over-wiling the Pron Pontiff. She sunk further into the bath; enjoying the pleasant fragrance of the bath and watching her toes melt over its sides while mentally ticking through her options. Taking a job as an administrative assistant until she turned suicidal would take too long. Archeology always made her think of broken pottery and got her ‘all het up’. She used puppet wrangling in her act- so that was out… It wasn’t until the sounds of the pedal rikshaws and segways drifted up through her open window that she finally knew what she had to do.
Hunny rose from the tub and walked dripping and naked over to her TV. Settling down on her bed with the remote in hand she called up this week’s episode of Heroes on her DVR. After watching Kristen Bell’s performance constantly for 30 minutes Hunny was not only dry but also slightly nauseated. There was no way she would over wile now, not with that grating voice and those stiff expressions running through her mind. Even the drugs couldn’t have made it palatable… oh well. It had to be done…and so did the Pron Pontiff!

As Hunny started to dress she wondered what he sister Sunny was up to…

6 Comments:

Jay said...

This is great! I hope it has a happy ending. Well, many happy endings. I like stories that include happy endings. ;-)

Don't worry about Kristen Bell's acting, just focus on her legs. It works for me. haha

His Sinfulness said...

G,

Why the alias? We all know your secret spy code name is Hunny...

;)

NoRegrets said...

Hilariously wonderful!

WNG said...

I am not writing in happy endings, Jay...you'll just have to use your imagination. Ok- maybe ONE. But that's all you'll get. You get a pass on KB because I like you and you haven't been brought over to the side of the righteous (Heroes fans) yet :)

Oh Pater, you know me too well...

Glad you chuckled NoR, good to know I'm being productive :)

Mayren said...

omg. Kristin Bell needs to die. i mean live happily not acting.

EVER.

I like the Eddie Izzard part of the story ("like ya do") - or at least when i hear that in the middle of a sentence i think of Eddie. He's wicked talented and I like him alot.

WNG said...

Were we twins in another life Mayren? I have Dress To Kill completely committed to memory. No. Not on purpose. I've just watched it that much. Wait- which one is worse???

KB has GOT TO GO! At the moment I'm not going to quibble about the method of her removal.