Tuesday, October 30

You Make Me Sick

Greetings from Hell, minions. I thought I would talk about the latest fall fashion accessory, ulcers. Who ever heard of a 28 year old with ulcers?!? I’m going to ask my stomach for a divorce. I honestly don’t see the point of having a stomach any more, and my intestines can kiss my ass.
N-E-Way. I’m in pain and I’m pissed off, which I’m not supposed to be b/c that just makes the pain worse. It’s a super-fun cycle of soymilk, Nexium, yogurt and Pepto. Since we all know I wasn’t exactly sweetness and light before this I think you might be able to imagine my present mood.
I’m trying to focus on the positive:
THE SOX ARE WORLD CHAMPS... AGAIN! (yea for Mama G!)
My Secret Lover (Brett Favre, shhh… don’t tell anyone)had a great game against the Broncos last night.
There was no Kristen Bell on Heroes this week, Thank God.
Foreman is back on House tonight. Can you imagine? TWO whole black men on House at the same time…too exciting.
There’s a new BV podcast up and another one on the way. They’re going to spend more time focusing on me…as we all should.
Ok- I’m working too hard at this positivism for this to be positive, so I’m just gonna’ go ‘relax’ with my crappy breathing exercises.

In comments: When someone tells you that you need to calm down or relax you usually…

8 Comments:

NoRegrets said...

I usually flip the bird at them.

I knew someone about your age who got an ulcer. So, it's not unheard of. Sorry to say though that she was able to leave her job (which had caused it).

WNG said...

My day will come. It's less than a year now, NoR, before I'll be gone. I try to hold on to that:)

I'm working on getting a patent for my FU eyebrow lift. It's quite impressive.

Jay said...

My sister got ulcers when she was in high school! She worries too much. LOL

Favre killed me last night. I was 5-0 on my NFL picks until he crushed me. Oh well, whatchagonnado?

EsLocura said...

I laugh at them then have several glasses of wine, all the while wondering what in the world "they" were thinking.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I usually let my fingers do the talking.

I hope you feel better soon. I know it's no comfort to be part of a very exclusive club -- 20-somethings with ulcers, but don't stress yourself further by trying to be positive when it really sucks. Use that energy to figure out what can be eliminated from your life and replaced with something that doesn't make you sick. Good luck with the Pepto Dismal Diet, too.

His Sinfulness said...

When someone tells me that I need to relax, I very calmly remove my size 12s from their ass and excommunicate them... very therapeutic.

The CEO said...

I curse a lot, or do a lot of t'ai chi. I used to try to engage my wife in massive amounts of sex, but that started to become an obsession, and she thought I needed to handle my stress a bit differently. So, I started taking a sledge hammer to boulders until I was exhausted. All I can say is: no ulcers. You don't need a 30 pound sledge hammer, I currently use an 8 pounder. And no one cares if you scream when you're beating the crap out of a boulder either. Just something to think about.

WNG said...

#1 I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Thanks, for the laughs - I really needed them.

Jay- I love the way he loves to play the game. AND I love it when he kicks ass, even if it is yours, sorry Jay.

Eslocura - I'm not supposed to be drinking wine right now...so I have to stick with whine. Not a big stretch for me, really.

Hearts - From here on out I have decided to only become a member of clubs I actually want to be in. No more getting tricked!

Pater - Question: If it's only a size seven, but has stiletto heels, is it still as therapeutic?

CEO - I'm actually pretty handy with a sledgehammer...but I think that's a story for another time.