Tuesday, February 19

the wheels on the bus


I think that the world has sped up and I didn't realized it. Things are changing, sometimes too rapidly for me to get a handle on. I am changing – actually changing now instead of just talking about it. For all the talk about ‘Change’ in this country and how much we want it I still don’t think it is something any of us are really comfortable with. You can want something; even need or crave it while you’re petrified of it.
It occured to me that I could go to Barack Obama’s inauguration. My old roommate went to The Idiot’s last one to protest, but I realized last night, sitting on the edge of my bed that in less than a year I could be in DC for a completely different reason. In my head my whole family was there. The Sisters of G were going to one of the balls (they know people) but Mama G, Papa G and I were walking through the streets of DC, moving through crowds of people with shining faces. In this waking dream of mine nothing was settled between them, just put aside for the moment and for me.
When I woke up this morning Fidel Castro was no longer running Cuba. My feelings on the man and his legacy are complicated by the extreme left wing of the Family of G and my own love of freedom in all of its forms. I honestly don’t feel that I know enough about him to make any type of determination or pronouncement here except to say that this is something that I never imagined. No gunfire, no secret assassination, no bloody coup – there was a seemingly entirely benign exchange of power in the world while I slept. Somehow that is more shocking to me than violence. Yes, I know that is sad.
I am slowly freeing myself – of debts, addictions, memories and guilt. In a painstakingly slow process that oddly seems to be flying at light speed I am giving myself permission to embrace health, hope, love and strength. At the moment though I feel nothing so much as off kilter, out of whack.
Can I go through all these changes while the world changes?
If everything is moving, spinning, remaking itself even in a superficial way then how do you get your bearings?

10 Comments:

guerreiranigeriana said...

i like this post...the whole fidel thing is definitely throwing me for a loop too...i'm curious to see who is taking over and how the country will be looking soon...sadly, i have no advice on getting your bearings as i am still trying to get mine...good luck though...let me know if you find out anything;)...

Jay said...

Really great post!

The funny thing about Cuba is that so many people thought that when Castro was gone that Americans and American business would just suddenly flow into Cuba like water through a crack in a dam. But, that's not the case at all. Nothing really changes. The embargo remains and the gov't in Cuba doesn't really change either.

When it does all collapse it still won't be that much different for American business because the embargo on Cuba is an American embargo ONLY. Europeans and even Canadians have been doing business in Cuba all this time.

So, while sometimes the world seems to be changing quickly it is in fact not changing at all.

WNG said...

Guerre - glad you liked it. It's a weird modern age phenomena that we can wake up to find the world radically altered and hear about it from a plastic box. Maybe i'm too old school for the 21st century.

Jay - stop. all these compliments will go to my head. Many of the Family of G have been to Cuba in the past couple years and they've all come back with different stories. I'm not sure if we've cut them off or just cut ourselves off.

NoRegrets said...

Change happens sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, sometimes in minute amounts and catch up to you and seem big, but it happens. You sit with yourself for a few minutes and let it wash over you and see how you feel - that's how you get your bearings. Or keep it in the back of your mind percolating and let it appear while you're waiting for the bus.

WNG said...

Maybe I need to go sit quietly somewhere for a while, see what happens.

Susan said...

One of my favorite movie quotes:

"Someone stop this crazy thing...called life"

WNG said...

Stop the world! I want to get off! Maybe. Probably not. I really don't know.
All I know for certain is Ice Cream+Vodka=Happy.

Inarticulate Fumblings said...

I've been feeling the same way lately, too. I woke up last week, shocked that I was 30, completing an MA, making mortgage payments. Where the hell did my 20s go? How did I amass all of this responsibility? And time only seems to be speeding up. Ga! Where's the pause button?

The CEO said...

If you think things are changing fast now, wait, they get faster over time. An excellent post. See you all in DC!

WNG said...

Fumblings - Welcome:) Here's my thing - my DVD player has a slow mo button, so why not my life?

CEO- I talked to Mama G about it and we're pumped!