Wednesday, April 30

just like oil on my hands


I got my ass kicked last night.

I was dreaming, but still, that’s just not right. With each minute of wakefulness the dream slips further and further away. If I don’t think about it I can almost glance at details out of the corner of my eye but when I try to grasp them they slide right through my fingers. I remember waking up at some point and deciding that Mama G was going to be the hero that saved me and inserting her into the dream. I can’t remember if it worked.
Now I’m wondering why I didn’t decide to make myself the hero of my dream. Susan posted about fantasies this morning and it occurred to me that my main one is being taken care of. I don’t think I could stand it for any more than a couple days before I ran screaming, but I’d really love it if I didn’t have to make any decisions or choices for a while. If someone took me on a fully planned out vacation; if someone threw me a surprise party; if someone said, “Don’t worry G, I’ve got this”.
Like President Shrub I am the decider in my life. I pick the movies I see with BPM, I design the trip with Papa and now for Mama. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy planning things for them, trying to pick out things they’d like but wouldn’t see or do on their own. I like taking care of people. V was the only person in my life who would call and say things like, “We’re going to this place at this time to do this thing – you in?” Then she left me for the wilds of Raleigh, NC. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
Sigh.
So maybe last night when the sharp silver discs were flying at my head and my body was bruised and screaming I decided someone else needed to do the saving this time. Maybe it was the last night of Birthday Month and I decided to take it off. Maybe I shouldn’t read stories about death before bed. Maybe I’m reading too much in to this entire thing.
You figure it out. I’m done.

12 Comments:

The CEO said...

I think you need to read Freud's "Interpretation of Dreams", 1900. I think you will find it invaluable going forward.

I also agree that none of us handles death well. Not even me.

WNG said...

Freud freaks me out a little. As does dream interpretation, but I'll think about it...

Doc said...

Maybe I shouldn’t read stories about death before bed

I concur !!!! (that dream scared me a bit)

WNG said...

It WAS scary! Razor sharp silver disks should not be flying anywhere near my hotness.
I'm just sayin...

NoRegrets said...

I think it would require a lot of strength to decide to be the hero of your dream. It's a great idea... perhaps you could practice.
As for being the decision maker, well, I understand that. But at least you have control that way! If I ever get a place you can come visit and I'll plan everything....

WNG said...

Hmm...maybe I will practice - I like that idea, thanks! Control, conshmol! I'll come visit whenever you want,NoR, that would be lovely.

Susan said...

Happy last day of birthday month!!

85 days until concert. WOOT. :)

WNG said...

Thanks Susan!!!
The last day always makes me a little sad.

Double WOOT - I got the tix in the mail yesterday!!!

slag said...

It's very common to want to be taken care of from time to time. For men and women both. Part of me wonders if that's why we get sick sometimes...just to get a little TLC.

But yes, no more dreary books before bed. Not good for the psyche.

WNG said...

It would be nice to lean, Slag, but most of my friends and family would freak if I did. You're right about the book, I love it but it makes me think way too much about death. Not a good bedtime story.
I know! I'll stick with Vodka. Problem solved.

The CEO said...

Don't take Freud literally, interpret, and you'll do fine. He's still the best with dreams. In America, men can have penis envy. Think about hot sports cars.

WNG said...

I'll think about it...