Your mission – should you choose to accept it, is to do whatever I say (as per usual) but also to pick one of these super fun tasks to complete!
OK – Thursday’s can’t be Don’t Forget The Lyrics days anymore. I’ve branched into other forms of media – but media day sounds to idiotic, so I need a new name. Go forth, minions, and be clever!
I know one of the Aussie’s reading me but who are the other three? Unless you’re traveling hundreds of miles each day to read me on different computers, Gye? Yeah, I didn’t think so. There are also a bunch of Brits (Hi Sara! Hi Tirza! Hi Shelly!) and Europeans galore! It’s time to come out of the shadows. If you read me from outside the contiguous US please leave a city and country in comments. You can do it anonymously if you’d like, but I’d love to say hi!
From time to time my minions are even more shiny and clever than I. Yes, that is hard to believe, but I am generous enough to share the glory. OG came up with ‘vodka saves’ a while ago (which will be coming soon to a t-shirt near you) but I think you have more. You give me a great G related saying or graphic, I’ll use it to make a million dollars and I promise to buy you a Venti Starbucks drink of your choice AND a West Wing Series box set. Get to it, sweeties, you have all weekend!
Friday, May 30
Your mission – should you choose to accept it, is to do whatever I say (as per usual) but also to pick one of these super fun tasks to complete!
Thursday, May 29
Sometimes even the G has a crap day. Sometimes they bleed into crap weeks and no amount of vodka can stop it. Sometimes it’s a little too much. What do I do during those times? I watch the West Wing on DVD. I still don’t have the series boxed set (hint, hint, minions) but I do what I can with what I have. Angel Maintenance is one of my favorite episodes, so here are some quotes for you…
TOBY: Yeah, but the fact that this is immediate. I mean to say, the mass slaughter of tens of thousands of Africans-- mostly young men-- which calls for...
RICHARDSON: I understand what it... You ever been to a maximum-security prison?
TOBY: Maximum? No.
RICHARDSON: It's the black kids who are doing the dying there, too.
TOBY: The lives we're saving in Kuhndu-- and I agree...
RICHARDSON: I wasn't elected by the lives we're saving in Kuhndu. I was elected by the lives that are doing the saving.
TOBY: But you agree there ar moral imperatives?
RICHARDSON: Well, if there are moral imperatives, then you've got to tell me we are going to get everybody. Beginning with the Saudis.
TOBY: Mark, obviously, we need votes from the Black Caucus next week. Are you telling me it isn't in the vested interest of Black America?
RICHARDSON: It is in the vested interest of working-class America-- black, latino and yes, even white-- to be able to choose between more than a McDonald's uniform and a Marine uniform.
TOBY: And how is opposing the peacekeeping bill at Brookings going to achieve...?
RICHARDSON: I'm not opposing the peacekeeping bill. In fact, the whole Black Caucus is going to stand behind it, but with a proposed amendment.
TOBY: Doing what?
RICHARDSON: Reinstating the draft. I think the kids in my district are going to live longer if their fortunes are tied a little more closely to the fortunes of the kids in Josh Lyman's district.
TOBY: You want to draft a million middle-class kids out of spite?
RICHARDSON: Well, I don't want to draft anybody out of anything. I'm just trying to promote somepatriotic unity.
Oh – I’m not done yet, there’s more. This is for Hairy Harry and The Duke, who never came home.
FADE IN: EXT. PORTICO - NIGHT Leo is out on the portico smoking a cigarette. Toby exits through the Outer Oval Office and approaches Leo.
TOBY: What are you doing?
TOBY: What are you doing?
LEO: Did OMB have anything?
TOBY: Budget didn't have anything Mark wants. He can call OMB himself. Leo, let's say we study...
LEO: Come on.
TOBY: Study some version of his amendment.
LEO: We'll look ridiculous.
TOBY: It's not ridiculous.
LEO: It's a stunt.
TOBY: It is, but it's not ridiculous. We say we're going to study the draft and...
LEO: There's never going to be a draft.
TOBY: Mark knows that. He wants the debate. We want our peacekeeping appropriation. Everybody's happy.
LEO: Hardly anybody's happy. The President's going to study reinstating... We're for peacekeeping in Kuhndu.
TOBY: And Mark's point is who keeps the...
LEO: I know what Mark's point is.
TOBY: People who got nowhere else to go...
LEO: For advancement, they go for advancement.
TOBY: The five guys on their way home right now in body bags... didn't advance very far, I think is Mark's point.
Wednesday, May 28
Unless you knew the trick: back and forth in the rocker three times and then a bounce step around the nursery. We would do that for a couple hours, talking about politics or Grey's Anatomy. Sometimes he liked to sit on my lap and play the drums on my knees. For the past few weeks he was back in ICU and I couldn’t hold him. I could only let his tiny fingers grab on to mine with surprising strength.
Last night his heart gave out.
TJ’s doctor, who is a friend of mine, called me as I was leaving work to tell me I should come down and say goodbye. We knew this was coming, I just didn’t think it would get here this fast.
Tuesday, May 27
It was a great weekend. Mama G and I are both tanned and hungover – the signs of productive beachgoing. I have a great new sundress, purses, shoes and sunglasses. I’ve got a an awesome tan (more mocha than honey is G now). Mama G is on her way back to Chucktown as I type this. She had a great time and I miss her already.
It started on Saturday night. Part Time Blogger had some friends in – two couples, and they met us at one of the beachside bars. Mama G was her hilarious self, she charmed them and we all had a great time. Part Time sat next to me. He kept touching me, not flirting so much as the random touching that couples do – part connection, recognition, possession. He’d been drinking (as had I, shock of shocks) so I thought nothing of it. The next day Mama G and I napped, drank and munched on the beach for a couple hours before heading over to Part Time’s place for a cookout. We had a great time, but again there was the feeling that we were a couple. Maybe it was just because everyone else there was paired off?
Yesterday they all met us down at the beach. I love the beach. I love the sand, I love the water, I love the hundreds of different radio stations, accents and voices all mingling with the roar of the surf. I love falling asleep under warm sun with a cool breeze and laughter floating around me. I did just that. But as I was falling asleep I took his hand.
Stop. Stare out the window while thoughts swirl.
I have no idea why I did that. It’s stupid. We already tried this. When he was interested I was dating Joe. When I was interested he said he was ‘seeing a few people’. We’re friends now. G does not have a lot of friends. My close college peeps are in LA or NY. V left me for the wilds of Raleigh. Point is – I like being friends with Part Time. He’s a great friend. He makes me laugh, he listens to me, he calls me on my shit and he’s always got my back. Mama G loves him. LOVES HIM.
So – what the ???
Did we both have a vacation/vodka-induced case of coupleitis or is something else going on? What does he want? I have no idea. What do I want? Not to get hurt again. Yes, that’s a pussy answer, but it already happened once – I put myself out there and got shot down.
So where does this leave us?
Big Man left me a comment and my reponse got a little long, so here it is.
Big Man said...
GYou about to make me do a post on the perils of platonic friendship. Particularly platonic friendships among single people who spend a lot of time together.don't make me go there.
Big Man - thing is that 95% of my friends are (and have always been) single males that I spend a lot of time with and this has never been a problem before. I was the 'best man' at my best friends J's wedding and am god mother to his little boy.
This is different. I don't know why and I don't know what to do about it so basically I'm giving up. I feel like I'm losing something by doing that but I don't know what else to do but stay settled into this friendship and not take any risks. I feel like we're both doing that but I could be wrong and he could have lost all interest in me. Who the hell knows.
Honestly, I feel like so much has hit me this week that I might just spend the weekend in bed with covers pulled up over my head. Or maybe in the movie theatre watching Indy and Sex and the City (and maybe Iron Man again - that movie was GREAT). I'd rather just be with him, I really need a hug right now, but have never been good at asking for what I need from men (thanks, dad).
Ok, NO MORE WHINING!
MORE VODKA!I have a Venti Caramel Macchiato - I'll be fine :)
Friday, May 23
In other news – it’s cookout day here at work again. Our bosses will light the grills at 11 and the burgers and dogs will roll off around noon. Everyone has brought in side dishes to share and we’ll all be slacking off most of the day – especially since most of us are leaving early:)
Oh and V 2.0’s birthday is today. She took over in the office after V abandoned us for the Wilds of Raleigh, NC. In true G Birthday Smackdown style Sherie and I have gotten her a balloon, flowers, Starbucks and a ‘Celebration Basket’ from Mrs. Fields…cookies, brownies, Jelly Bellies, oh my!
I’ll be unavailable (drinking) until Tuesday – so this will be my last blog post until then. Have a great Memorial Day, minions. Be safe!
Thursday, May 22
Posted by G at Thursday, May 22, 2008
For each series there’s one episode that encapsulates ‘the point’ of the entire show for me. Last night’s Boston Legal did just that. James Spader and William Shatner were at the very top of their game. Their friendship was a living, sometimes wounded, thing – as was their love of country. It is sad that we sometimes find more honesty about what is happening in our country today in prime time television shows than we do on the news, but I am glad that Boston Legal is around in times like these. Yes, the trappings are sometimes ridiculous, but the heart is true. If you haven’t watched it in a while or if you’ve never watched it at all this final episode of the season is the one to watch.
Wednesday, May 21
Mama G was trapped in the open on a bridge last night as hailstones pummeled the Sexy Mama Lexus. For over 15 minutes she sat still in traffic as her car was dented and dinged by Mother Nature. At one point she feared for her safety as her windshield glass cracked and around her other cars lost windows. As it stands now there is some serious damage to the SML and Mama G is NOT happy. It’s not so much the car itself, as the over 50 years of work that got her to a place where she could buy a car like that for herself. So she’ll get it fixed – after the G & Mama G Memorial Day Beach Extravaganza this weekend. Don’t worry; I’ll cheer her up with vodka.
So – why has it taken me so long to post? Well that would be nature again. Due to a lightning strike during the storm yesterday our entire network is down. No internet, no email, no databases, no printers – basically the only thing that’s working in my office are the phones. So I’m typing this on my desktop and waiting for everything to come back online so that I can post it. It’s annoying; my morning blog reading routine has been disrupted. I won’t tell you in which order I read you each morning, someone might cry, I’ll just say that I am compulsive enough to have an order and I do not appreciate Nature disrupting it.
Then again I’m sure she doesn’t appreciate the massive amounts of waste we pump in to the air, sea and land…so I guess I’ll just sit here, sip my coffee and brood in silence before she decides to prove once again who is truly in charge on this planet.
Tuesday, May 20
Oh and thing 2!!!
Today is Peachfest!!!
What is Peachfest, you ask? Well minions there is a special place where the funny never ends, it just gets a little dirty. This is a place where random thoughts meet underwear and apple pie has a kick. It is a magical place You Go Ahead And Keep On Believing That. The high holy day of snark in this magical land is today, Peachfest. So, starting at noon get your minion butts over there to join in the hilarity! They’re going for 500 comments asap starting at noon, so let’s go break some records and be funny about it!
Don’t worry – they’ll give you a topic, you just talk amongst yourselves.
Today is just too good minions. The fun and the funny all day long…it almost makes up for the crap weather outside my window. Now, you have your assignments – GO!
Monday, May 19
*Saturday I drank for twelve hours straight. Also great, but don’t try this at home kids. Try it at someone else’s house!
*V was in town so there was vodka for about 9 hours before the tequila switch. Amazingly enough I was neither sick that night nor hungover the next morning – although I did wake up at asscrack of six am. Yeah, that was some crap. There is no reason to be awake on a Sunday morning so early that the fast food places aren’t even open.
*Did I mention that my Saturday morning furniture delivery was completely f’ed up? I have a kitchen tabletop surrounded by four chairs in my living room.
*Who saw the Celtics/Cavs game seven yesterday? Who saw Mama G jumping up and down and screaming like a schoolgirl when they (finally) won? She’s so cute.
*In other news I’ll be dealing with furniture ish, recovery from pickling my brain ish, and cleaning my apartment in preparation for the arrival of Mama G on Friday – busy week.
*Mama G and I will be spending the weekend at Virginia Beach with all the rest of the tourists. This does not mean we are taking sides in the Myrtle Beach/VA Beach smackdown (come one Myrtle Beach is the clear winner to anyone who’s been to both).
*Tomorrow we’ll return to our regularly scheduled program of things that could possibly matter to someone – today I’ll wallow in my pickled brain, partial furniture and lack of coffee.
Friday, May 16
1. I love Kieth
2. This ish is hilarious
3. Happy Friday!
Posted by G at Friday, May 16, 2008
Telling the truth, bringing the funny, sharing the painful parts of your life, opening your mind and searching your heart. None of these things are easy, but each of these bloggers does one or more of them so well that I was inspired. So here it is: The Balls Of Steel Award.
Es Locura – is going through a terrible time right now with grace, charm and gratitude for small kindnesses (when I would probably just be sniveling and whining). She once said that life was kicking her in the balls, so here’s a pair with a lifetime warranty, sweetie – let life kick those for a while!
Big Man – impresses me with his search to better himself. He has the balls to question his own thoughts, reactions and motives. He also sends truth out into the blogoshpere with wit and heart. He’s already got balls of steel – these are just in acknowledgement.
Jonah Haslap – shares his life in all its funny, painful, embarrassing, and heartwarming, thought provoking glory. He is, quite simply, hilarious. He’s also heading down the road to getting himself published. He’ll need these for his journey.
Susan - was the inspiration for this award. She faces her life head on every day, acknowledging the times she wants to run and hide and then walking on anyway. She gave me these when I needed them and now it's my turn.
Of course I didn't choose every person from my blogroll that was worthy - we all know how fabulous my roll is - but I trust these guys to pass them on. Pick 3-5 bloggers, spread the love and then let them know where they can pick up their balls (sorry, I had to). I chose each of them for different reasons, but I hope you’ll take a chance and read these ballsy bloggers. As different as they all are they each have guts and heart…balls of steel!
Thursday, May 15
I know it's Thursday and you're all looking for the lyrical window into the Strange and Wondrous Mind of G, but you should know that I had to post this video. Here's the thing: what took him so long?
Wednesday, May 14
Tuesday, May 13
Every morning, while I’m gulping my coffee and sorting through the stacks of papers on my desk I read my emails with one eye. There’s the usual assortment: God loves you and sent you this sparkly angel, why men are dumb, why blondes are dumb, super-incredible-amazing photographs, water bottles give you cancer, cell phones melt your brain cells, pass this to 15 people and you’ll see something so cool. Sometimes they make me chuckle or cringe and every once in a while they actually give my caffeine-addled brain something to ponder. I’m sure that there are more emails than I actually get. I don’t get the racial jokes or diatribes because that’s what it means to live in Post-Racial America; they make sure you don’t see it and you pretend they don’t think it. This was in my inbox this morning:
Judge for yourself.This is not original with me but it is scary..We may face some tough times ahead... Think long and hard before you vote..... I have felt for sometime now that Obama is the one person that 'Frightens Me'. I believe the Bible has warned us that 'A man will come from the East that will be charismatic in nature and have proposed solutions for all our problems and his rhetoric will attract many supporters!' When will our Nation quit turning its back on God and understand that this man is 'A Muslim'....First, Last and always....and we are AT WAR with the Muslim Nation, whether our bleeding-heart, secular, Liberal friends believe it or not. This man fits every description f rom the Bible of the 'Anti-Christ'! I'm glad to know that there are others that are frightened by this man! Semper Fid elis, Chuck 'Saepius Exertus, Semper Fidelis, FraterInfinitas' 'Often Tested, Always Faithful, Brothers Forever' - United States Marines - Who is Barack Obama? Very interesting and something that should be considered in your choice. If you do not ever forward anything else, please forward this to all your contacts...this is very scary to think of what lies ahead of us here in our own United States...better heed this and pray about it and share it. snopes.com ' confirms this is factual. Check for yourself. Who is Barack Obama? Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obam a was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM from Nyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a whit e ATHEIST from Wichita , Kansas. Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii . When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya . His mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia . When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocate to Indonesia . Obama attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta . He also spent two years in a Catholic school. Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is quick to point out that, 'He was once a Muslim, but that he also attended Catholic school.' Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that that he is not a radical. Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and that this influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned to Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct influence over his son's education. Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann Dunham, introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta . Wahabism is the RADICAL teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world. Since it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major public office in the United States , Barack Hussein Obama has joined t he United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim background. ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran. Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegiance nor will he show any reverence for our flag. While others place their hands over their hearts, Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches. Do you want someone like this as your PRESIDENT? Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected presidential candidacy. The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the President of the United States , one of their own! Please forward to everyone you know. Would you want this man leading our country?...... NOT ME!!!
He had sent it out to about ten people. I sent my reply to all of them, him and the person who had sent it to him (all coworkers). "Usually I'll pass on emails from you guys - you know we always end up sending them around and around the office. It's fun and sometimes you can even learn something new. This is not one of those times. This email is full of outright lies and slander. If you are interested in the truth about Barack Obama or his candidacy I'd be happy to share information with you. I'm not one to preach to people, especially at work, as you know - so I will just leave the door open." My reply feels completely inadequate to me. It feels like a betrayal of the work I have been doing for months to get this man that I believe in and admire elected President. I wanted to scream at them and I wanted to cry because it pains me that they could not see the racism and fear mongering that is so blatant to my eyes. I sit here no knowing that my reply would pass any inspection by any manager here who cared to read it. I sit here remembering how a voter in WV was asked on Good Morning America this morning if she would ever vote for Barack and how she said she could never vote for a Muslim.
I laughed then. I’m not laughing now.
Monday, May 12
Now I’m not saying this has anything to do with global warming but apparently these storms are caused by warm air from the Gulf – the air that we usually see in mid summer. No one knows why it’s blowing up here now and getting smacked around by the cooler air from Canada and erupting into dangerous storms.
I’m not saying that it’s global warming, but when North Carolina and Virginia start looking like Kansas and Oklahoma I start thinking…climate change anyone? We’ve already passed the record for tornado related deaths (97) and the season isn’t even close to over. Georgia is dealing with massive power outages and twister sightings. Georgia.
In addition to donations to the Red Cross of food, clothing or money (which storm victims across the country desperately need) I’d like to ask you all to do something else to help:
1. Replace all of your light bulbs with energy efficient ones. Then get some for
your neighbors, family or a friend.
2. If you don’t recycle at your office
or your home start today.
3. Buy local foods, support local growers who
aren’t shipping foods cross-country.
4. Before you turn the ignition in your
car ask yourself ‘is this trip really necessary?’ and ‘do I have to DRIVE to do
5. Buy surge protectors for your electronics and plug them in. When
you leave the house, go to bed or you aren’t using them just click them off.
They draw power constantly whether they’re on or not and this is easier than
unplugging a bunch of wires.
6. Stop buying bottled water. Even if you are
recycling each bottle it is still incredibly wasteful. Get a go-cup and fill it
up at your house, office or gym.
Oh and did I mention that by making those changes listed above you’ll be saving some serious money?
Friday, May 9
Family, friends and fellow bloggers have all remarked lately on different issues they think that Barack Obama should fix or try to fix. People wonder if he will be able to heal the racial divide in this country, lower the mortality rates for Black men, or fix the school system. Some people seem to expect him to do more than "faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and to the best of his ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States”. Please remember that we are electing a President, not a savior.
What can any Presidential candidate or even President do in the face of the apathy and infantile view of politics that infect this country like a cancer? We see our friends and family killing and dying in Iraq and around the world and we shake our rattle and whine, ‘fix it.’ We see our children killing and dying in our cities and we roll over and suck our thumbs. We see our air, water and land befouled and we wait for someone to come and change it all like a dirty diaper. We take no responsibility and we take no action.
Instead we watch the mobile of cable news tele-idiots revolving around our heads like so many brightly colored toys. We gurgle and laugh as once respected men and women turn into clowns for our amusement – and when we are no longer amused we wail until they exit the stage. We do not look at causation and we ignore facts in favor of entertainment and base fallacy. Heaven forbid anyone should mention our faults – we throw a teething tantrum.
Now, I understand the thirst for change at the very highest levels of our government. I have been volunteering for that change and I have been supporting that change with the little bit of disposable income I have. However, even the most accomplished and inspired leader cannot overcome the great challenges we face, as a nation. We, the people, must stand up and take responsibility for the state of our nation and for the work ahead of us. We, the people, must support our government as it moves forward and we must be ever watchful for backsliding. We, the people, must ask what we have done for our family, community, and nation first.
I can promise that you have time and ability to make your community a better place to live. There is no excuse. There is always something you can do and every little thing you do will count. I can promise that taking direct action at street level will help your community more than 90% of what any President can do. The one thing you must never do is sit around and wait for a President or any politician to fix anything.
I believe that Barack Obama will be our next President. My greatest hope for his candidacy and his Presidency is that he will be able to inspire and motivate people to take their neighborhoods, their states and their country into their hands and get to work. I hope that he will challenge us to work harder and to work together. I sincerely hope that we, as a nation, will rise to the call.
“You say you want a revolution, well you know we all want to change the world.”
*picture completely stolen from Some Of Nothing...thanks, Slag!
Thursday, May 8
I believe she loves you because you never make her feel like anything.
From what I’ve seen you’re just one more hand me down, ‘cuz no one’s tried to give you what you need.
I said come on all you cowboys, all you blue eyed baby boys, oh come on all you dashing gentlemen of summer.
If it’s magic then why can’t it be everlasting, like the sun that always shines?
Well Smackwater Jack he bought a shotgun, cuz he was in the mood for a little confrontation.
They’re advertising in the skies for people like us.
So what's been rattling around in your heads, minions?
Tuesday, May 6
I watch Brothers & Sisters with my mom every Sunday night. Wherever we are and whatever we’re doing if there’s a new episode on we’re watching it and calling each other about it. See, I got my love of soap from Mama G. We watched General Hospital when I was in the womb and I remember hiding behind the couch well after my bedtime watching LA Law and Dallas over her shoulder. So, Brothers & Sisters with its plot twists and camp is the perfect show for us. We each have our favorites, we take sides, and we argue their points. She likes the kids depending on what they're doing – I pull for Justin and Rebecca no matter what. She’s content to ride the roller coaster – I am forever making predictions and sending gloating text messages when they come true.
This is one of my favorite parts of my relationship with Mama G. Maybe it’s a little Fievel of me but I like knowing that we’re doing the same thing at the same time no matter how far apart we are. I like that the same things push our buttons and make us reach for the phone. It cracks me up when she picks up the phone with “I knew you would call after that…”
My favorite thing is when, after saying no more calls that night and good-night and I love you, when after all that something huge happens and my phone rings: Mama G is calling me.
Friday, May 2
They aren’t reporting the lootings. People are sneaking in to these neighborhoods at night and ripping copper wire out of appliances, taking air bags out of damaged cars, and making off with anything else that they can carry. The police are starting night patrols, but so are the residents. I won’t get into exactly how base you would have to be to steal from someone who has just literally had their life torn apart – all I’ll say is that you really don’t want these devastated people wandering around with guns trying to protect what little is left. This is a recipe for disaster; take one part Suffolk City PD on night patrol in the ‘wasteland’, one part former house owner now living with entire family in hotel room but driving back to house to guard it - with shotgun, and one part idiot out to make some money off the devastation and stir. Some bad shit’s going to happen, folks. You can feel it on the wind.
Thursday, May 1
Well she was an American girl, raised on promises, she couldn’t help but think that there was just a little more life somewhere else…
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket…
She doesn’t use her love to make him weak, she uses love to keep him strong…
Sit down with her baby, wind is full of trash, she bold as the street light, dark and sweet as hash…
And though she tried her best to help me, she could steal but she could not rob…
Who you callin’ a bitch?