It was a great weekend. Mama G and I are both tanned and hungover – the signs of productive beachgoing. I have a great new sundress, purses, shoes and sunglasses. I’ve got a an awesome tan (more mocha than honey is G now). Mama G is on her way back to Chucktown as I type this. She had a great time and I miss her already.
It started on Saturday night. Part Time Blogger had some friends in – two couples, and they met us at one of the beachside bars. Mama G was her hilarious self, she charmed them and we all had a great time. Part Time sat next to me. He kept touching me, not flirting so much as the random touching that couples do – part connection, recognition, possession. He’d been drinking (as had I, shock of shocks) so I thought nothing of it. The next day Mama G and I napped, drank and munched on the beach for a couple hours before heading over to Part Time’s place for a cookout. We had a great time, but again there was the feeling that we were a couple. Maybe it was just because everyone else there was paired off?
Yesterday they all met us down at the beach. I love the beach. I love the sand, I love the water, I love the hundreds of different radio stations, accents and voices all mingling with the roar of the surf. I love falling asleep under warm sun with a cool breeze and laughter floating around me. I did just that. But as I was falling asleep I took his hand.
Stop. Stare out the window while thoughts swirl.
I have no idea why I did that. It’s stupid. We already tried this. When he was interested I was dating Joe. When I was interested he said he was ‘seeing a few people’. We’re friends now. G does not have a lot of friends. My close college peeps are in LA or NY. V left me for the wilds of Raleigh. Point is – I like being friends with Part Time. He’s a great friend. He makes me laugh, he listens to me, he calls me on my shit and he’s always got my back. Mama G loves him. LOVES HIM.
So – what the ???
Did we both have a vacation/vodka-induced case of coupleitis or is something else going on? What does he want? I have no idea. What do I want? Not to get hurt again. Yes, that’s a pussy answer, but it already happened once – I put myself out there and got shot down.
So where does this leave us?
Big Man left me a comment and my reponse got a little long, so here it is.
Big Man said...
GYou about to make me do a post on the perils of platonic friendship. Particularly platonic friendships among single people who spend a lot of time together.don't make me go there.
Big Man - thing is that 95% of my friends are (and have always been) single males that I spend a lot of time with and this has never been a problem before. I was the 'best man' at my best friends J's wedding and am god mother to his little boy.
This is different. I don't know why and I don't know what to do about it so basically I'm giving up. I feel like I'm losing something by doing that but I don't know what else to do but stay settled into this friendship and not take any risks. I feel like we're both doing that but I could be wrong and he could have lost all interest in me. Who the hell knows.
Honestly, I feel like so much has hit me this week that I might just spend the weekend in bed with covers pulled up over my head. Or maybe in the movie theatre watching Indy and Sex and the City (and maybe Iron Man again - that movie was GREAT). I'd rather just be with him, I really need a hug right now, but have never been good at asking for what I need from men (thanks, dad).
Ok, NO MORE WHINING!
MORE VODKA!I have a Venti Caramel Macchiato - I'll be fine :)
Tuesday, May 27