Tuesday, May 27

i'm exhausted

more later...

I’m confused.
It was a great weekend. Mama G and I are both tanned and hungover – the signs of productive beachgoing. I have a great new sundress, purses, shoes and sunglasses. I’ve got a an awesome tan (more mocha than honey is G now). Mama G is on her way back to Chucktown as I type this. She had a great time and I miss her already.
I’m confused.
It started on Saturday night. Part Time Blogger had some friends in – two couples, and they met us at one of the beachside bars. Mama G was her hilarious self, she charmed them and we all had a great time. Part Time sat next to me. He kept touching me, not flirting so much as the random touching that couples do – part connection, recognition, possession. He’d been drinking (as had I, shock of shocks) so I thought nothing of it. The next day Mama G and I napped, drank and munched on the beach for a couple hours before heading over to Part Time’s place for a cookout. We had a great time, but again there was the feeling that we were a couple. Maybe it was just because everyone else there was paired off?
Yesterday they all met us down at the beach. I love the beach. I love the sand, I love the water, I love the hundreds of different radio stations, accents and voices all mingling with the roar of the surf. I love falling asleep under warm sun with a cool breeze and laughter floating around me. I did just that. But as I was falling asleep I took his hand.
Stop. Stare out the window while thoughts swirl.
Focus. Type.
I have no idea why I did that. It’s stupid. We already tried this. When he was interested I was dating Joe. When I was interested he said he was ‘seeing a few people’. We’re friends now. G does not have a lot of friends. My close college peeps are in LA or NY. V left me for the wilds of Raleigh. Point is – I like being friends with Part Time. He’s a great friend. He makes me laugh, he listens to me, he calls me on my shit and he’s always got my back. Mama G loves him. LOVES HIM.
So – what the ???
Did we both have a vacation/vodka-induced case of coupleitis or is something else going on? What does he want? I have no idea. What do I want? Not to get hurt again. Yes, that’s a pussy answer, but it already happened once – I put myself out there and got shot down.
So where does this leave us?

UPDATE: 5-29-2008
Big Man left me a comment and my reponse got a little long, so here it is.
Big Man said...
GYou about to make me do a post on the perils of platonic friendship. Particularly platonic friendships among single people who spend a lot of time together.don't make me go there.

Big Man - thing is that 95% of my friends are (and have always been) single males that I spend a lot of time with and this has never been a problem before. I was the 'best man' at my best friends J's wedding and am god mother to his little boy.
This is different. I don't know why and I don't know what to do about it so basically I'm giving up. I feel like I'm losing something by doing that but I don't know what else to do but stay settled into this friendship and not take any risks. I feel like we're both doing that but I could be wrong and he could have lost all interest in me. Who the hell knows.
Honestly, I feel like so much has hit me this week that I might just spend the weekend in bed with covers pulled up over my head. Or maybe in the movie theatre watching Indy and Sex and the City (and maybe Iron Man again - that movie was GREAT). I'd rather just be with him, I really need a hug right now, but have never been good at asking for what I need from men (thanks, dad).
MORE VODKA!I have a Venti Caramel Macchiato - I'll be fine :)


NoRegrets said...

wussy girl... ;-)

Susan said...

hope you had fun!

WNG said...

Dems fightin' wurds, NoR!

I did, Susan - it was a warm up for your trip!!!

NoRegrets said...

You know I wrote that after your first I'm tired thing and before this second part, right?
As for the second part, well, if you don't want it to be confusing and you dont' want it to go anywhere, consider it a need for physical touch and a closeness that comes from being friends and once having been lovers. Make it less complicated. If you want. Just my thoughts.

Susan said...

I have to say this:

Jump! Take the risk! Imagine how wonderful a summer time fling is and trust me when I say if the friendship is strong enough it'll survive the warm ocean breezes and soft summer kisses. The sun can only give you so much of a needed caress.

(as a side note: You saw I watched sappy movies all weekend. Also, Celine Dion is on the radio at work and it's the one that goes "Let me be the one to love you more....")

NoRegrets said...

Yeah, I guess I"m being the bitter divorcee...

WNG said...

NoR - yes, I know when you wrote that :)
I'm a hugger and a toucher, so maybe you're right. Also, we were never lovers, it never got that far. Also, in the see-saw that is our relationship it is his turn to step up.

I just thought about the fact that he's blogging now and might read this - then I remembered he doesn't read my blog - panic attack over.

Ok - so Susan is probably right and I should probably go ahead and be stupid and crazy and declare my ...whatever.
BUT - I'm waaaay too much of a wimp for that. So if he wants me he'll just have to step up.
Plus I don't know if I want a summer fling... I want something that could BE something...

Doc said...

Go with your gut.

WNG said...

My guts confused, Doc.
I need to sleep off the rest of the vodka and I'll get back to you guys.

crap! cn't do that - I'm at work!!!

Susan said...

Don't make me have a talkin' to your gut.

WNG said...

How exactly would that work? Hold my cell phone up to my belly button?

Wow - I really can't tell ya'll just how much I need sleep.

Besides - so far today we're back (?) to just friends so I'm letting it go. I have to - my brain won't work right now, it's too tired.

Susan said...

well, G, do what's best for you then darlin. I'm no one to be giving advise, trust me.

The CEO said...

Either the timing is right, or it isn't. Taking turns to step up doesn't work. Sleep it off, and we'll continue this tomorrow.

slag said...

My advice? Just go for the casual sex.

OK. Since I've never had casual sex, that advice is easier given than taken.

Sorry; got nuthin to offer on this one. Good luck with it, though! Let us know how it turns out.

Big Man said...


You about to make me do a post on the perils of plutonic friendship. Particularly plutonic friendships among single people who spend a lot of time together.

don't make me go there.

Big Man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gye Greene said...


So: Are you Ross? Or Rachel? :)

(Don't read too much into that comment; no gender-bending implications were intended.)

My opinion: Life is organic. What happens, happens (in relationship things, that is; career stuff, you should probably plan for). :)


WNG said...

That's where I am now, Gye, just going with it (as it slowly drives me crazy...er)

I am not Star Jones said...

Take a break from the friendship so you can figure out how you feel about being friends with someone who you may
have feelings for...it's no fun being around someone waiting for him to realize you are more than a friend.

WNG said...

You are a GENIUS...and a mind reader. That's exactly what I just decided to do.