Saturday, December 13

no more shiggity*

*If you aren't a regular Tom Joyner Morning Show listener you may not know that shiggity= shit.
**this is really long...too bad, read it anyway


I have been fighting with my mother lately. She hasn't been fighting with me I have been fighting with her, or rather with everything she has done in the past few years that hurt me that I never called her on, so of course she never stopped doing it and I never stopped getting hurt. And why was I doing this? Because after Papa G dropped the bomb (Bonnie) on me a few years ago I felt like I needed to protect my mother (from what? everything. nothing. everything no one had before. everything no one had protected me from). But I didn't protect anyone - I hurt myself and set her up to hurt me. I am so smooth. I've learned that there are all sorts of ways to lie to someone and not telling them what you need or when they hurt you can be one of the worst. Cross your fingers for us minions, ok?

So Pookie The Wonder Jetta and I are driving home tonight and I'm still fighting off the last dregs of this head cold (the damn thing has guerilla resistance fighters working for it, I swear) and all I really want is for the new Rolling Stone to be in my mailbox when I get home. It is (because i've got it like that) and I immediately wish for a million dollars to be in my mailbox. I'll keep you updated on that when I check it Monday.

Two things about RS: 1. There's an article about how Pres Shrub is fucking us over in his last days that mentions the change in environmental rules in West Va and I'm not one to brag but I totally beat RS to that story by MORE THAN A MONTH. Look it up minions, I kicked RS butt! *pause for happy dance*

There's also an article about real life super heroes. No, I'm not kidding. Men and women who dress up and patrol the streets of their cities fighting crime. In the end it comes down to how you see reality and the lengths you are willing to go to follow your dreams. At least that's what I choose to take out of it. (I just read The Watchmen and I really do not want to go into the eery similarities between the book and that article)

All of this rambling is prelude to this: I got the January O magazine today. Yes, the gift from Mama G that keeps on giving. Usually I just go straight to the recipies and the shoes, but this one had an article about how it is not a failure of will that keeps us from changing but rather an ironic act of self preservation. We protect ourselves right into danger. We have to give up some very deeply held beliefs in order to change. We have to kill off a part of ourselves. Now maybe its a bad part of you that needs to go - the self destructive impulse that keeps the pack of Marloboro Lights in my purse for example, but it's still a part of me and that part will fight to live. The article suggested a four step approach: Write down your goal, write down all the ways you usually shoot yourself in the foot when you try to reach it, then list all the reasons you shouldn't reach it. The thing is that those reasons are usually pretty logical. Then you have to trick yourself - start small: say no to one party and see that your friends really won't hate you for not showing up, delegate something small and see that the world really doesn't fall apart if you aren't running it, try to keep five pounds off for six months instead of fifty and see that you really can do it. I thought hmm...this makes sense. I've been (once again) protecting myself right into getting hurt. Well, at least I'm consistent.

I would follow all of those steps, but like I've said before, I suck at rule following. And the thing is that I think I'm doing a lot better right now than I was last year at this time. I am more honest with myself, my family and friends. I am in a better place financially. I am happier in my job. I am taking better care of Pookie The Wonder Jetta. So what I'm thinking my New Year's Resolution will be is to keep doing what I'm doing - trying to be less unhappy, trying to create joy in the world in my own little snarky way.

There are a couple of concrete things that I am working on:

I'm not volunteering for anything at all in any way for the first six months of the year. I tend to get too focused outward and let my life fall apart while I'm trying to help someone else. I am volunteering for myself for a while.

I will be completely out of debt by this time next year. C.O.M.P.L.E.T.E.L.Y.

There is no reason for me to be lonely. I know people and I know how to use a phone. I will stop being an idiot.

With my first bonus check of the new year I am signing up for at least three dating sites and I will accept at least one date a month from each of them for the first three months (unless I meet someone serious before the three months are up). I will also let my friends know that I'm up for blind dates. No more hiding in my house.

I'm getting a puppy for my birthday. I'm getting the puppy I want. I'm not listening to any puppy advice. I am getting what I want.

I am going to start spoiling myself. I am going to give myself more love, more fun, more health and more hugs. I'm going to give myself more chances at work, more time with people I love, more new things to learn, more VODKA, more challenges and more travel. I'm going to spoil myself rotten.

I'm going after my dream. ActionWorks will be a website by the end of this year. (more on that later)

10 Comments:

Gye Greene said...

Puppy: What breed? (Unsolicited 2c worth follows...) (I'm partial to Corgis: friendly, reasonably smart and non-agressive; big enough to hug, but small enough to sit on your lap.) And (although you've probably already thought of this), dog pound, if you can... (Although -- sadly -- some of them are misbehaving, mis-trained, "problem" dogs -- which are why they're in the pound in the first place...)

Dating: Good luck! :) Here's hoping it makes for some entertaining blog fodder... (? right?)
You gonna share your criteria/profile with your minions? :)

Focusing on you + dating: Is signing up for a martial art, yoga, or some-such on the agenda?


--GG

Shaun Mullen said...

Wonderful and inspiring post, but allow me a wee bit of unsolicited advice: Get a puppy because you love the companionship of a dog, not because you don't have the companionship of a human at this particular time.

WNG said...

I'm getting a Tibetan Terrier because they are the only small dogs I really, really like and I don't think it would be fair to have a larger dog in an apartment. I've wanted a dog for years and I'm FINALLY living somewhere I can have them *pause for happy dance* so get ready to be bombarded by puppy pics and stories all spring!

Oh and Gye - thanks for looking at my love life as entertainment, someone should be getting something out of it!

His Sinfulness said...

I have finally emerged from the cave known as finals!

Your choice of Tibetan Terrier is excellent - they are great dogs, and a good choice for an apartment.

As for the dating, best of luck! Of course, it won't be easy to find a man who can handle your intelligence and beauty... go easy on the poor guys, ok?

WNG said...

ALL of my choices are excellent Pater... or not. As for going easy on them? I think not. Don't worry, I'll keep you all updated :-)

catnmus said...

My advice: Accept at least one date a month *EVEN IF* you meet someone serious before then. Three months is not really enough time to know if something serious is REALLY serious. Even if you meet someone serious in early January, you could still date someone in early March just to meet the criteria. If it really is serious, the sweetie won't be threatened. This is not to say you are shopping around for someone better. This is to help you not get sucked in by sweet talk from an abuser that moves too fast and sucks you into their orbit until you can't escape.

Deacon Blue said...

Well, I've been doing OK on the marriage front, but I sucked at dating, so I won't try to advise you on that front.

slag said...

My only advice: If you're going to bother dating people, make sure know stuff about stuff first.

/sagacity

WNG said...

Maybe I'll just stay celibate...

On the puppy front - now I'm thinking Norfolk terrier, although there are only about 400 born nationwide each year...hmm...

Gye Greene said...

Just going back to where I stopped reading blogs (had to finish a Ph.D. Dissertation -- figured nine years was long enough...

R.S.: You have taste. Although, back in the day I used to prefer Spin magazine -- more on music, less on clothes and politics. Don't even know if it still exists...


Anything that helps you keep up with what the kids are listening to is a good thing, IMO.

--GG