i'm confused

I am Queen of many things minions, the universe among them. I have tremendous powers of which you are all in awe. This is fact. I’m also a big, LOST loving dork. This is also fact. I used to feel like the writers were taking me on a really fun ride with their show. They weren’t asking too much of me and I wasn’t asking too much of them. We had a good thing going.
Then they started to fuck with my head. There really is no other way to put it. So far this season has been nothing but one brain bang after another. I can deal with the fact that only six of them make it back to the mainland. I can deal with Hurley going nutso, saw that coming a mile away. It’s kind of twisted that he’s seeing Charlie, but I’ll let that go.
Sayid becoming an assassin isn’t a huge leap, but working for Linus??? Fine. AGAIN I’ll go with you, since he’s obviously pulling some string pretty hard. I even went along with the stupid story Jack told at Kate’s trial. Do you see the pattern here? Do you see how many punches I’ve been rolling with?
Here’s where you went off the rails. Why the HELL does Kate have Aaron? And why is she calling him her son? And didn’t Des see Claire and Aaron getting rescued in one of his ‘visions’? Stop playing around and explain yourselves, damnit!
If you can actually explain to me how getting a person’s consciousness to travel through time is easier than moving a body through time I will forgive you for last night. You really want me to believe Des’ mind traveled through time? Seriously? Ok, you paid it off with the final call to Penny, but then you made me hate Farrady (instead of just finding him mildly annoying) with the thought that he helped Des more to save himself than my favorite Scot. I know that you guys can’t stand simple answers but this time we need a binary choice – either Locke or Jack has to be right. Pick one, please. And start letting us in on it soon ok, because I can’t take much more of this.

You guys are driving me Hurley.

don't forget the lyrics

This is how the past couple days have been for me:

“What kind of fuckery is this?” –Amy Winehouse

“I’ve been talkin’ to God, don’t know if it’s helping or not but something’s got to give ‘cause I can’t keep waiting to live” –Sara Bareilles

“We ain’t lettin’ anybody in our family business.” –Kanye West

“And I’ll watch the bones in your back like the Stations of the Cross” –Bruce Sprinsteen

“Why do I take pains to astound you? Why do I even try?” –Corinne Bailey Rae

“Are you livin’ too fast? Livin in the past? How are you livin?” –Gran Torino

“And though she thought I knew the answer, well I knew but I could not say” –Beatles

“She was an American girl. Raised on promises…” –Tom Petty

So minions, how you doin?

Papa Issues

This is my submission for War Child. Check out the link and what they're trying to do.

I could write an entire library about my father. I could write for hours, days, weeks, even months or years and still not map out the twisted pathways we navigate in our daily relationship. It has been so fraught for so long that we have turned being us into a tango of unending variety and imagination. We do the dance well.
Under all of it there is a root of love and distrust and guilt so inextricably wound together that a magician could not separate the strands and psychologists have bloodied their heads against the wall of our refusal to let anyone in, let anyone to the heart of the maze. What we want least is to ever hurt each other and so we do – over and over again. He is England. I am France. We are bound through history and dependence neither wants to truly recognize.
For the first time in twelve years my father and I are going on a vacation together. I asked him if he would take a trip with me for my birthday and he said yes. We started planning and figuring immediately and ended on Chicago. We’ll be in the Windy City in April, probably not the best time to go, but it suits us; it will be spring, but won’t feel like it.
We’ll go to museums and on tours, shopping and wandering through the bluster of a transitional season. After almost thirty years of being together I have come to expect less and less from him and to be satisfied more and more. Maybe we’ll even go to a taping of the Oprah Show. Thinking of my father in that audience is enough to send me into hysterical laughter and him searching for an aspirin, but he’d go…for me. I’m looking at the Cubs schedule to see if they’ll be home. Maybe I can surprise him with tickets. When does baseball season start anyway?
We can agree on the food at least. Both of us are on diets we will undoubtedly cheat on each day we are there. We’ll spend our evenings in blues clubs drinking really good liquor. I won’t smoke during the entire vacation.
We will both try. At some point I’ll be in tears, though not for very long as he doesn’t understand them, sees them as a weapon and I try to suck them in as much as possible. He will be hurt and disappointed.
Still, we try. We hope. We love and we wound. We bleed and we scab, but never truly heal. We complicate the simple and ignore the complicated. We crack each other up and break each other’s hearts. Sometimes though, he is the only one I want, the only place I feel safe. Always he’s my Dad.

and the winner is...

That's right, Papa G and I are going to the Windy City for a G Birthday Extravaganza. I can't wait. We're staying at a great hotel and planning visits to the Field Museum and Frank Llyod Wright's house and studio plus a taping of the Oprah show and nights out filled with good steaks, great blues and the touring production of Wicked. If any of my minions have other things for us to put on the list there is plenty of room.

I'm pretty excited about this trip. It almost makes up for the fact that I lost my entire iTunes library because I'm stupid and I don't back things up. (Don't be too mad at me, Flynn, it already hurts enough). I'm trying not to think of the hundreds of dollars in music I've lost and focus on the awesome trip ahead.

Focus...

Focus...

Focus...

Not working.

one is silver and the other is gold

So a while ago Hearts gave me this Blogging Buddies award, because she’s a sweetheart with excellent taste. Now it’s time, my minions, to pass it on.

Susan – yeah, yeah, she gets everything. The reason for that is that every day Susan shares a part of herself with us. She’s supportive, honest and a little wacky – in short a great buddy.

No Regrets – shares her ideas, loves, fears and experiences. She shared her mistakes and problems in an effort not only to help herself but others. She’s someone you want to have your back.

CEO – is one of those people who always wants more for his friends. He is kind, encouraging and sometimes a little wry. He’s the guy you’d want to marry your best friend…if he wasn’t already married!

Linus – (Pater) Feb is not his favorite month, but the buddy system goes both ways – I’m here for you if you need me and the month is almost over!

I’m not sure if you can buddy a website, but I go to the Black Vatican each morning first thing for the latest Trinity. It consistently cracks me up and starts my day off right. Your weekend homework, minions, head over there and start at the first trinity, read them all, enjoy!

Help

So Papa G and I are going to ‘do something’ for my birthday. I’m excited that we’ll get some time together but have no idea what I want to do and neither does he. So, I thought I’d open the floor to the Super Minions of G. Where should we go? What should we do? What’s the coolest place in the US that no one realizes? Where’d you have an awesome vacation? I’ve only got the 16-20 of April off, so that might be a factor, or I might get inspired and take more days!

_____________________________________________________________________

Hmmm…
So far the thinking is:

Grand Canyon Train
Bar Harbor (Maine)
Fingerlakes, NY wine country
Sonoma, CA wine country
Chicago
So I need you guys to toss out more ideas or pick one and tell me why, because I think all of these would be fun – for different reasons. Hit me with your best shot!

the wheels on the bus

I think that the world has sped up and I didn't realized it. Things are changing, sometimes too rapidly for me to get a handle on. I am changing – actually changing now instead of just talking about it. For all the talk about ‘Change’ in this country and how much we want it I still don’t think it is something any of us are really comfortable with. You can want something; even need or crave it while you’re petrified of it.
It occured to me that I could go to Barack Obama’s inauguration. My old roommate went to The Idiot’s last one to protest, but I realized last night, sitting on the edge of my bed that in less than a year I could be in DC for a completely different reason. In my head my whole family was there. The Sisters of G were going to one of the balls (they know people) but Mama G, Papa G and I were walking through the streets of DC, moving through crowds of people with shining faces. In this waking dream of mine nothing was settled between them, just put aside for the moment and for me.
When I woke up this morning Fidel Castro was no longer running Cuba. My feelings on the man and his legacy are complicated by the extreme left wing of the Family of G and my own love of freedom in all of its forms. I honestly don’t feel that I know enough about him to make any type of determination or pronouncement here except to say that this is something that I never imagined. No gunfire, no secret assassination, no bloody coup – there was a seemingly entirely benign exchange of power in the world while I slept. Somehow that is more shocking to me than violence. Yes, I know that is sad.

I am slowly freeing myself – of debts, addictions, memories and guilt. In a painstakingly slow process that oddly seems to be flying at light speed I am giving myself permission to embrace health, hope, love and strength. At the moment though I feel nothing so much as off kilter, out of whack.

Can I go through all these changes while the world changes?

If everything is moving, spinning, remaking itself even in a superficial way then how do you get your bearings?

and i spilled my coffee on my lap

This is all I Am Not Star Jones’ fault. I keep saying I’m not going to do these anymore and then someone sucks me back in…

1.Post these rules before presenting your list.
2. List 6 actions or achievements you think every person should accomplish before turning 18.
3. There are no conditions on what can be included on the list.
4. At the end of your blog, choose 6 people to get tagged and list their names.
5. People who are tagged write their own blog entry with their 6 suggestions.
6. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged.

Wow. Here’s my question: who am I to say what you should have accomplished by the time you’re 18? My life was a mess that I’m still cleaning up 10 years later. That said, everyone loves to give advice so here goes, minions… in no particular order…

1.Realize that finding out who you are and what you need is an ever changing task, because those things change.
2.Learn how to turn your dreams in to goals and take action towards them (no matter how big or small)
3.BE REGISTERED TO VOTE and do it
4.Set up some type of retirement account, however small, and make it a habit to deposit some amount regularly
5.Learn how to learn
6.Be able to look yourself dead in the eye in a mirror for two minutes

OK – tag, you’re it!
Heart In San Francisco

Meno

No Regrets

Susan

Punky

Jay (think you can handle being the only man on my list???)

say what?

why don't you just go away

No matter what happens from here on out at least I can always say that I helped Virginia hand the Borg Queen her ass. As sick as I was yesterday (and still am) it felt good, DAMN good. I’m not going to spend all of my time rubbing our win in her face, or any other Borg who might be reading this.
Moving on.
I have the plague. I’m dying. I have absolutely no way of knowing these things for a certainty, but it sure as hell feels like it. There’s no fever or coughing or anything resembling a normal cold. I just hurt. It’s like having a full body migraine. These aren’t regular body aches, they’re pretty evil, or maybe it’s just that I’m so tired I’m blowing things a tad bit out of proportion. Either way I’m going to the doc today and hopefully they’ll be able to give me some crazy ballistic anti-plague shots or something. Cross your fingers for me, minions.

sunday's on the phone to monday

Thank you, V. This weekend was exactly what I needed: alcohol, guitar hero, crab cakes and Matchbox Twenty in concert. And my V home, that was great. The laughs, the ear and the shoulder are all massively appreciated.
Barack Obama was at the VA Beach Amphitheater last night having a huge rally but I was with V downtown singing and screaming my lungs out at the concert. If you haven’t seen Matchbox Twenty live, you should. They put on a great show that’s less about cool tricks and more about playing as many of their songs as they can pack in.
It was a catharsis, sweaty, loud and shared with some thousands of others. I love live music. I love knowing every single song and I really love that they went straight from Bright Lights into Bathroom Window, my favorite MB20 song into my favorite Beatles song.
V and I went to a bar after the concert because there was such a huge line to get out of the parking garage and we were thirsty, but in truth…neither one of us wanted it to end. Tonight I’ll go work the phones one more time at “O” HQ downtown and tomorrow we’ll hopefully keep the sweep going. For now I’m making it through the day because underneath and behind everything I hear and see today are the memories of last night. The songs still play in my head and I realize how much I needed to stop and just sing.

i don't feel like singing tonight

Here in these deep city lights
A girl could get lost tonight
I’m finding every reason to be gone
There’s nothing here to hold on to
- sara bareilles

V is coming back to visit this weekend. We’re going to see Matchbox 20 on Sunday after a weekend full of (hopefully) massive amounts of debauchery. I need this time – off of work, away from all of my causes, because my head is so full of crap lately …
My review at work, which was supposed to happen in December and in anticipation of which I wrote my boss a letter basically explaining that I’m broke and feeling completely under used and asking for her help is going to happen this afternoon. They’re going to pull up some nit picky something to justify not giving me the raise I need. They’re going to come up with some craziness about why I’m not moving up to cover the fact that there’s no where for me to go. It’s past time for me to leave the company, but the economy isn’t exactly friendly at the moment.
But that’s ok, right? Because there’s the big move to Seattle planned, school and oh-wait- not so much. Some of us didn’t exactly get accepted. Maybe I’ll just move across the country on my own in the middle of a recession. Balls of steel.
Here’s a weird one, I’ve been thinking about spending my birthday with Papa G. It’s been a rocky few years (try 28 of them) between us and when I go home I don’t really get the alone time with him that I do with Mama G. So, I was thinking we could go do something fun together…bond, you know? Yeah – Vegas, exactly! But Mama G and I always do something for my birthday and I (the ball less wonder) haven’t told her of my thoughts. I haven’t told him either, because who wants to get rejected by their Dad on their birthday?
Oh and where exactly have the men gone? There are boys everywhere. Sweet, funny and sometimes even handsome, but immature and…well…boyish. My life is complicated enough at the moment, I really don’t need to try to figure out your early 20’s mating game. Thank God. And no, saying that doesn’t make me cold – just older than you and ready for something else.

Susan asked me why I haven’t been posting as regularly. Well, any of these things could be a whole post…and probably will be at some point, but right now I can’t focus on any one of them because the others keep jostling for time. It’s easier to focus on the primaries. For once politics is actually not as complicated as my life.

Mr. Arnold, I presume

I yell at the television.
I do it at sporting events, scary movies/tv shows or on the very rare occasion that I watch “reality” tv. Lately, I do it at the news. A LOT.
I don’t want to say that they take ‘man on the street’ type interviews and use them to back up the points they want to make but…
For most of last night I kept hearing about how Obama supporters said they’d be fine with the Borg Queen and vice versa. Umm…no.way.in.hell. As I have already stated on this blog the only reason I would vote for her is if I had to in order to protect Roe. Other than that I am done with the Clinton machine.
I doubt I’m the only one. I know we here on the internets are the most vocal and probably more passionate than your average joe about these things, but way too many of you have echoed my feelings on this blog and others for me to be that far off. Hell, there are people who aren’t even Obama fans who would vote third party rather than go Borg.
Here’s my question: why haven’t we been on tv? Why is the media trying to portray the two camps as virtually interchangeable? Are they trying to pressure Barack into accepting a VP bid before we’ve even packed for Denver? It’s weird that every example they use was of someone saying that either candidate would be ok with them or that whoever came out of the convention would get their support. It wasn’t quite enough to make me sign up on Facebook just to rant at them…but it was close
That’s not what I’m feeling and what good is having a blog if you can’t share your fears? My biggest fear (discounting a Rethuglican win) is that the Borg Queen of the Clinton Machine will win the nomination and offer Barack the VP slot and that he’ll accept. That would be a betrayal that would break my heart and I would never be able to vote for him again. The entire premise of his campaign is that it is time for a seismic shift in the way things are done. Yes, they may have similar policies but it’s the way that business will be conducted that is different. The majority of the BQ’s money has come from corporations or lobbyists; the majority of Barack’s money has come from individual people. You pick. To turn your back on that and accept a crust of bread from the Missus is a slap in the face to all of us (especially the young voters) who have believed so intensely.
So, what do I think he should do? Win. I’ll be working all week in VA to help him do just that. If he doesn’t I think he should run for Governor of IL or do another Senate term and go for it again.

I’m sure I have no idea just how tempting a VP slot would be – I’m not sure the media has any idea just what kind of a test that would be for some voters.

you made me...

Damnit.


Ok. Here it is:
Mind Frivolous At Last

by the Kuban People's Republic.

There's your damn album meme. You got me. Happy now?!?!?
If you wanna' get sucked in too, here you go...
use the first link. no matter what the title of the article is, it is now your band's name.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Randomnow

on to the second link. the last four words of the quote is your album title. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3now for the cover art.

go to this link and the third pic is your album cover art.http://flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/

no right minds would wrong me this many times

There are more African American males in prison than in college.

Homicide is the leading cause of death for African American males under 35.

African American females under 45 are the fastest growing group in HIV/AIDS infection in this country.

African Americans who go missing are ignored while the entire country looks for a blonde co-ed in Aruba.

There is a holocaust of young African Americans in this country. It is a genocide: a deliberate and systematic slaughter or incarceration of thousands of young minorities each year in this country.

There is more than enough blame to spread around to each and every facet of the country and the community and NO ONE is doing enough to stop it. The Clintons don't want to talk about it (unless they are backed into a corner) and I don't really blame them, no one wants to be depressed in an election year.

What I do blame them for is this shit. If you are going to talk about race then talk about race. Don't deal the card from the bottom of the deck and then look amazed when it shows up in the river. I'm not sure if Hillary or Bill understands the younger generations of African Americans at all. No, we aren't as wrapped up in the Civil Rights era as our parents and grandparents but we are seeing their gains crumble and blow into dust. We are watching our friends, family and community die or get locked up. Do you honestly think that Bob Johnson or Robert Ford speak for us? Do you think we can't see through all the Revs as well as anyone else? Do not paint us with their brush.

Most of us grew up as Clinton fans. Most of us didn't grow up highly motivated to vote. If you had been smart, hadn't panicked and let your inner Arkansas shine through you might have kept it that way. You might have been able to split the vote. We might have forgotten what we know or maybe even trusted that you would do something about it- as only a president can. We might have stuck with you and just hoped for a VP slot for Obama. But you tried to be slick and play both sides - using racial digs to remind 'white america' of the 'implications' of voting for a Black man while trying to put enough spin on it that you wouldn't piss off or fire up the Black community, or anyone else who finds that bullshit offensive. Well... oops - you've pissed me off - and I'm not the only one. Bill and Hillary are done for forever with all the young African Americans I know. And at this point putting Obama on the ticket with Hillary would not help her - it would be seen as a betrayal by him. Of who?

All of us who are tired of all of this:

Yes, Hillary, a President has to sign a bill to make it a law. Thank you for that education. I really thought that Dr. King could have signed the Civil Rights Act himself. BUT -Would it have ever been introduced without Dr. King? Do you honestly think that Kennedy or Johnson would have gotten together with some Congressmen and gotten it done on their own if they didn’t HAVE to? If someone wasn’t helping to lead a movement to FORCE them to? It got passed because Congress was willing to pass almost anything associated with Kennedy after his assassination, are you going to give credit to his murderer’s too?

And this:

Yes, Bill, Jesse Jackson won the SC primary. You know who else won? YOU. People have tried to say that you were just going with the first name that popped into your head, but shouldn't that have been your name?

I could go on and on and on, or you could read a newspaper, watch a broadcast or read a poli-blog and find plenty of examples.

So, how about we all cut out the bullshit, huh Hillary? Turn off your racial attack machine and install a filter between your brain and your mouth. Buy a muzzle for your wife or leave him in NJ. Content yourself with the juggling act of a female candidate and stop trying to be subtle and slick, you never had the talent for it and it seems that your wife has lost his.