TACO BELL, ANYONE?
I have never even pretended to understand men. It’s a silly thing to try to do. Understanding the people in your life is a worthy goal, as long as you know that it is only attainable to a certain degree. Understanding a group, however, is completely ridiculous.
I’m a fan of men. I like the way they walk, talk, smell and taste. I like the way they never think I can play poker as well as they can – and so does my wallet. I like the way they try to protect me and they way they can sometimes drive me even more insane than I usually am. I do not, ever, pretend to understand them or how testosterone poisoning actually works.
If it isn’t obvious already, I met a guy last night. I went to a Super Bowl party at a friend’s house and was talking about my new puppy (who I’ve decided to name Bartlet). I mentioned that I told Mama G to get ready for her Grand Puppy because he just may be the only grand she gets and this sparked a whole round of, “But don’t you want kids?” and “But you’d be such a great mom!” These things are true – I will be a fantastic mom and I do want kids but as I said last night, “Where is he? Is he hiding in a cabinet somewhere (we were in the kitchen)? Because I am NOT the turkey baster type.”
Fate, with whom I’ve never had a great relationship in the first place, decided to play a little joke on me. In walked Terry. Terry is yummy – that’s really all there is to it. He’s 35, not as tall as I’d like, but shoulders... really, just...shoulders. Anyway we chatted, because I am quite yummy myself and Terry was interested.
But here’s the thing, minions (especially you single male minions) we are not in high school! Do not try to be smooth or cute. If you want my phone number take a chance and ask me. I realize it’s not the easiest thing to do in the world, but grow a pair and speak up. DO NOT ask to see my cell phone and then just call yourself from it. First of all, I still have a SC phone number, so you just look like an idiot when it doesn’t work and second WE ARE NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL. Use your words children.
It isn’t the fact that he texted me five times today when I was busy at work and then decided to call me when I didn’t respond to any of them that bugs me(well, maybe a little), it’s still the attitude from last night. Was it Chris Rock that said that a woman knows within five seconds of meeting a man whether or not she’s going to sleep with him and all he can do at that point is fuck it up for himself? I think it was and I think truer words may never have been spoken.
In any case, Terry now has a hole to dig himself out of. I’m not quite sure how interested I am now in the light of sober/hungover day but we’ll see. So guys please, just be yourselves – we’ll either like you or we won’t. Don’t try to be smooth. Ask for what you want, don’t assume, because unless your name is Kevin McKidd you are just not attractive enough to get away with that shiggity.
And completely off topic, I have no idea where my fascination with KMK came from. I’ve never been attracted to anyone who looks even remotely like him. The whole red hair, blue eyes, pale skin combo is SO not my cup of tea. The man just has something. Go get Rome or check him out on Grey’s Anatomy and maybe you can explain it to me. In the meantime I’ll just enjoy:-).